I am in my happy place :) No comments or posts from me for a while should be considered a positive thing.
His surgery went well and he chugging towards being awesome again :P I am visiting him in a days time. Cant wait :)
Laila's resided - too bad. I was enjoying the lovely weather out here. But the Met dept. says that monsoons will be here in no time. Thats great right? :) No complains - as much as I love the rain I love the sunshine too!
The Air India Crash (Boeing 737-800) recently near Mangalore was heart wrenching to hear. I have not switched on my TV or heard it on the radio, or read it in the newspapers. The news reported in writing, online were enough for me to understand the graveity of the situation. Blessed were the 8 who survived. Accidents happen, and lives are lost. There is a black hole that is left behind by the ones gone. And all you can do is miss them. There is nothing you can do about it. There is no more one can say. For people like me who are bystanders - we can only empathise for the pain. And think there time had come - lucky them.
Its a nice feeling to visit your blog in a long time, and find comments on posts from ppl you have never met. :) I have never advertised my blog. Its not on any of my social networks. I want ppl to know of it randomly. I feel that when you tell your world that you have a blog, they become biased towards you. I like my vulnerable - waiting to be surprised world. Heart felt thanks for spending a whole lot of time your precious reading about me, and my life. Thank you for passing this space.
Peaceful tonight. ciao
Sunday, May 23
Monday, May 10
My world, Their Worlds...
Today for the first time, the thought and talk of wedding and tying a knot brought tears to my eyes. I cried. Everythings okay, and yes although I am looking forward to a companion in my best friend. It suddenly dawned on me that I'd have to leave behind all this, and My Parents.
My Dad started his journey young. A fighter, right where he belong, with Fighter Planes. My mum was drawn towards art. She fell in love with oil and colors. They met, and my dad loved her since then. She still doesn't know, neither does he. But I do. Cause I came along, soon. Much too soon. But you ll get to know that later in this post. They have been together for 25 years. This June they ll complete 25. Yet sometimes to me they sound and look like newly weds.
My parents, each have had a life. Before they were a couple. Before they were married. A life that was full of love, laughter, family and friends. The both had their share of Good Times. And even after they were together pre and post wedding they had enough on their plates to keep them occupied for a lifetime. But some where, we happened. I being their first born, I should say, I happened. They dint travel with each other anymore. There was always me alongside. My dad when he took off dint just think of my mum he left behind at home, he though of me too. My mum when she said her good bye to him every morning, dint just think of herself, she though of me.
Lucky for them, I thoroughly enjoyed traveling. So, they never had a baby sitter, never left me with neighbors. I always tagged along. Be it farewell parties, or places where only ppl taller than 4' go. :P I tagged along. Some times on foot, sometimes in the cars back seat. Some times hanging for my life on the bike. Or sometimes, tugged snugly in a basket, or a helmet.
I have never been left back in a road trip, they always wanted the whole bunch of us to travel with them. They never felt the urge to be with each other, since the last 23 years, they accepted me. As their own. In there 25 years of being together, I was there for around 24 years (9 months cooking :P). They ve loved me, laughed with me. They just took me in like I was always there. They fought with me, they fought for me. They completely gave themselves to bringing me up. Their conversations moved from each other to "Shubhi" and then the kids, smoothly transitioning. Even after so many years, with oh my daughters' still a baby updates being a part of the past, my dad when meeting old time buddies first brings them upto date about "Shubhi" and then follow other stories.
Somewhere I always knew at the back of my mind that they had done all these things. That they had let a third person enter their lives and live with them. Instead of questioning my presence they took me in, loved me bits and nurtured me whole heartily. Its only today I am hit by all of this, at such an intense level. I suddenly am aware that someday very soon, I'd be expected to do things as selflessly as they did. Someday soon, the conversations will have to shift to someone else, and be about someone else. It really hit me that soon it may not be about me, or him. Could be about us, or could very well be about someone new.
Only when the seriousness of a marriage dawned on me, did I completely realize the things both of them had together, and individually, and may have had lost when they had found me. By the looks of it, it does really look like they discovered each other again. May be they never even missed themselves much.
But they lived such simple lives. So simply.
And I, I am soo complicated. I am sure they never questioned what was happening. Like I am today. They never questioned when the lives they lived were altered due to us. I am so thankful to both of them, as I know that both have tried in the best ways they knew to give me the best of the world.
I also realized that I dont, and may never know the complete story of my parents life. The world, their world. It remains in the past. The decisions they take, and why they do certain things will always be a mystery as they have lived it. Already. And I may never be ready to hear their stories, or understand them. Ever.
I cannot stop here, and not move forward. I must as this seems to be the direction where my life wants to go.
I am not sure if I will be as giving and unconditionally unconditional as they have been. I am not sure if I ll even be as receptive to new people as they have been. But they have taught me some things, certain things, these I ll take along for the rest of my life.
And although, soon I may not be in the same drawing room as them, watching my dad act crazy, while my mum laughs along. Or see my dad come and hug Rover in the night lovingly, and sleep beside him on the floor. Or watch my mum complain about the maid servant to my sister. Or sit and make fun of dad's new recipe. Or even laugh until my stomach hurt after dancing like mad with Ma and them. I know I ll be missed. I know that once I am out, there may never be looking back. There may never be a time like this. :( But they are so strong. So grounded, I hope I draw strength from this and I am able to pass the current.
P.s while I am feeling all these emotions, how much of a coincidence it is that this will be my 100th Post. So, here is to my Mum & Dad. Both of whom, I love unconditionally.
My 100th and more,
Lovingly,
Shubhi.
My Dad started his journey young. A fighter, right where he belong, with Fighter Planes. My mum was drawn towards art. She fell in love with oil and colors. They met, and my dad loved her since then. She still doesn't know, neither does he. But I do. Cause I came along, soon. Much too soon. But you ll get to know that later in this post. They have been together for 25 years. This June they ll complete 25. Yet sometimes to me they sound and look like newly weds.
My parents, each have had a life. Before they were a couple. Before they were married. A life that was full of love, laughter, family and friends. The both had their share of Good Times. And even after they were together pre and post wedding they had enough on their plates to keep them occupied for a lifetime. But some where, we happened. I being their first born, I should say, I happened. They dint travel with each other anymore. There was always me alongside. My dad when he took off dint just think of my mum he left behind at home, he though of me too. My mum when she said her good bye to him every morning, dint just think of herself, she though of me.
Lucky for them, I thoroughly enjoyed traveling. So, they never had a baby sitter, never left me with neighbors. I always tagged along. Be it farewell parties, or places where only ppl taller than 4' go. :P I tagged along. Some times on foot, sometimes in the cars back seat. Some times hanging for my life on the bike. Or sometimes, tugged snugly in a basket, or a helmet.
I have never been left back in a road trip, they always wanted the whole bunch of us to travel with them. They never felt the urge to be with each other, since the last 23 years, they accepted me. As their own. In there 25 years of being together, I was there for around 24 years (9 months cooking :P). They ve loved me, laughed with me. They just took me in like I was always there. They fought with me, they fought for me. They completely gave themselves to bringing me up. Their conversations moved from each other to "Shubhi" and then the kids, smoothly transitioning. Even after so many years, with oh my daughters' still a baby updates being a part of the past, my dad when meeting old time buddies first brings them upto date about "Shubhi" and then follow other stories.
Somewhere I always knew at the back of my mind that they had done all these things. That they had let a third person enter their lives and live with them. Instead of questioning my presence they took me in, loved me bits and nurtured me whole heartily. Its only today I am hit by all of this, at such an intense level. I suddenly am aware that someday very soon, I'd be expected to do things as selflessly as they did. Someday soon, the conversations will have to shift to someone else, and be about someone else. It really hit me that soon it may not be about me, or him. Could be about us, or could very well be about someone new.
Only when the seriousness of a marriage dawned on me, did I completely realize the things both of them had together, and individually, and may have had lost when they had found me. By the looks of it, it does really look like they discovered each other again. May be they never even missed themselves much.
But they lived such simple lives. So simply.
And I, I am soo complicated. I am sure they never questioned what was happening. Like I am today. They never questioned when the lives they lived were altered due to us. I am so thankful to both of them, as I know that both have tried in the best ways they knew to give me the best of the world.
I also realized that I dont, and may never know the complete story of my parents life. The world, their world. It remains in the past. The decisions they take, and why they do certain things will always be a mystery as they have lived it. Already. And I may never be ready to hear their stories, or understand them. Ever.
I cannot stop here, and not move forward. I must as this seems to be the direction where my life wants to go.
I am not sure if I will be as giving and unconditionally unconditional as they have been. I am not sure if I ll even be as receptive to new people as they have been. But they have taught me some things, certain things, these I ll take along for the rest of my life.
And although, soon I may not be in the same drawing room as them, watching my dad act crazy, while my mum laughs along. Or see my dad come and hug Rover in the night lovingly, and sleep beside him on the floor. Or watch my mum complain about the maid servant to my sister. Or sit and make fun of dad's new recipe. Or even laugh until my stomach hurt after dancing like mad with Ma and them. I know I ll be missed. I know that once I am out, there may never be looking back. There may never be a time like this. :( But they are so strong. So grounded, I hope I draw strength from this and I am able to pass the current.
P.s while I am feeling all these emotions, how much of a coincidence it is that this will be my 100th Post. So, here is to my Mum & Dad. Both of whom, I love unconditionally.
My 100th and more,
Lovingly,
Shubhi.
Tuesday, May 4
I look up...
Some times, we allow our life to drive happiness out of one or a dew sources. This is not a very ideal way of living, the wise say. I guess because, as easily these conditions pick you up and help you soar the skies, same way, its easy for them to drop you back down there. May be having several sources would be like having best friends with eagles and storks. If one drops you, the other picks you up mid way and takes you a different direction.
Yes, ideally I'd love to have multiple sources not a handful as I do now. But, I am here, and I know that one of my sources is shining bright. The shining star blinds me, and I am dazzled. There isnt much I can do as I am glued to my feet. And so, I helplessly let go. Let go off all my inhibitions, and feel lightened thanks to the much heavy weight I have shed. And so, I start to float. Just like it happens in water, you rise up... slowly but surely. And before I can acknowledge what is happening, I am flying. High :)
He is visiting soon. 9 days more to go. :) At last, the excitements building (All is normal here, thank god!) :) I am also looking forward to a loong break from work and indulging into things I love to do. :) Travel, click click, swim, cook, dance, singa - ringa and laugh :) Like, laugh enough to satisfy all that I have missed in the many many days past. I am looking forward to some refreshment and refreshing freshness he brings with his perspective. Yes, I am also looking forward to the madness. I am looking forward to being pampered, just enough. And doing little things and drawing happy memories for a lifetime. Needless to say, I am looking forward to intense discussions on varied topics. Its a lovely feeling - this anticipation, and this knowledge that we are both here to listen and understand each other more. It comes with being around each other, we let go off a little on our own, and a little more in each others company.
Revisiting ruins and old times, making new and building few :) Its all a part of why I am so mad about you. Here is a picture that totally dipicts this madness albeit logically!
Song For The Mood
Unlike, all times, java software is blocked on my comp so, I am unable to download this beautiful video and connect it directly to my site. Sorry, to listen, you will have to go to Youtube :) Here's Let Go!
Yes, ideally I'd love to have multiple sources not a handful as I do now. But, I am here, and I know that one of my sources is shining bright. The shining star blinds me, and I am dazzled. There isnt much I can do as I am glued to my feet. And so, I helplessly let go. Let go off all my inhibitions, and feel lightened thanks to the much heavy weight I have shed. And so, I start to float. Just like it happens in water, you rise up... slowly but surely. And before I can acknowledge what is happening, I am flying. High :)
He is visiting soon. 9 days more to go. :) At last, the excitements building (All is normal here, thank god!) :) I am also looking forward to a loong break from work and indulging into things I love to do. :) Travel, click click, swim, cook, dance, singa - ringa and laugh
Revisiting ruins and old times, making new and building few :) Its all a part of why I am so mad about you. Here is a picture that totally dipicts this madness albeit logically!
Song For The Mood
Unlike, all times, java software is blocked on my comp so, I am unable to download this beautiful video and connect it directly to my site. Sorry, to listen, you will have to go to Youtube :) Here's Let Go!
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