In Your Loneliness Lies My Misery

My dear friend,
dear lover
of life, of things

in your loneliness
lies my aloneness

Problems dissolve

when you are inclusive, not exclusive.
connected, not disconnected.
open, not closed.


choose love, love, love love. 

This Mental State Of Mine

This mental state of mine,
troubled, troubled,
that amplifies;
The one that I can't seem to find.

This mental state of mind,
fumble, fumble,
that defies;
The one that brings peace of mind.

This mental state of mine,
stumble, grumble,
that alluding sunshine;
The one that makes everything seem fine.

Five

Five, one year longer than the four
we knew each other for.
Those days when the skies looked
blue and the wind blew through
our heads, my skirt, your shirt
the red in our hearts bursting through
our skins, our fingers our toes.

Five is one year longer than the four
we knew each other for.
Before we said I do, before we danced
to the silver tunes. Before we said
there will be no goodbyes. Only you and only
I. Before we took the vows into our skins
and bones. And made a life that is our own. 

Do you need me?

A question, deep, dark and honest
quiet becomes the world
choices made, in haste
a look back, no regrets
it was the best, then
it is even better now


wonder what he'd say
gone though, on his way
alone i walk on each day
the puddles, and the breeze
smile, paint some more
a heart even, may be.


 

You're Beautiful

I have been in a relationship for almost 8 years now, married for 3.5 of those.Everytime, I've wanted to hear something nice, I followed this rule "you give to get it back", "what goes around comes around", "love the way you want to be loved" and so on and so forth.

So, if I want to hear "I love you" I say it to someone. If I wanted to be called beautiful, I'd say it aloud to TH first. If I thought I'd done something nice, I would compliment someone else first. All the good things first for others. "Samvidha, leave the best serving of the food first for the guests!"

Sometimes, I noticed that even though that was my favorite dish. And if allowed I would have devoured it and enjoyed it. The so called guests/special people absolutely overlooked it. It happened to me very often. I complimented you, but you forgot. When I thank someone, I  only get a "you are welcome" in return - not a Thank You! I tried "You are beautiful" What I got in return? <Odd look, and thanks!>

"Hey you did cool thing so well" What I got in return? "<Hey! Thanks!>" "Hey, you are pretty awesome! That was pretty cool stuff there" "<smile and thanks!> You get the hint. Wait, this doesnt mean that I dont believe in the butter fly effect. I do believe in kindness. I do believe in being nice. What I would love to change however is the need to fulfill my need to love and be loved,  experience affection, appreciation through some one else. Ofcourse, this too, cannot be a 100%. I mean, some of it does depend on the friends you have around you, the support system one has, the partner one chooses and so on. But the weight age of things has to shift. From Pareto's 20:80 where the focus depends more on external sources for gratification. It has to shift to 80:20 where gratification happens from within. Gracias or Gratitude for one self should happen at every point in time.  So that when it finally does come around. You dont go <Umm, sure, if you say so?!> but more <Sure, Thank you! I deserve that!>


Well, the point to write this note is not to show the modesty that surrounds me. But to show how I have been living to nurture my self through others. I hope to tell my self "I love you" and feel as good as it may have been to hear it from someone or even better!

I know that there is no one else who loves me more than myself. If I was ever given a choice to save one thing from drowning or a burning building - I think I'd first try and save myself. Then, I wonder, why cant I proclaim love for myself and appreciate the honestly in it?

Why am I conditioned to believe it when I only hear it from someone else? A lot has changed though. I do look at myself, and smile. I do see more of myself now. If I close my eyes, I can see myself standing in front of a mirror. A little more attention, and I am pretty sure, I wouldnt allow people to hurt me. I'd be my own hero!

All it takes is a simple switch. A click. And a gentle smile - and loads of forgiveness, for yourself and towards yourself.
Because 'You're beautiful'! "Yes, I am!"

Its Not Love If Its Too Civilised

No, I am not a crazy person who is talking about wild wild wild things in the bedroom. No, what I am talking about is the notion of how two people have to be in love and be civil with each other.  When it comes to love, we see red, we see hot, we see passion, we see long and happy living. But then, truth is - no relationship is perfect. No relationship is 'happily yada yada'! Everything from friendship, parenting, dating and marriage requires continuous involvement. Because, after every step whether its giving birth to a baby, or tying the knot - that is just the beginning of a long very long continuous and constant exchange of emotions, experiences, memories and more over individuals.  One often finds burrowed deep too deep - the honest and the real. Often too hard to reach out to and too messy to let it out.

I say, that its not real if its too civil and I don't mean that I would poke someones eyes out. But I mean one needs their space to talk raw honest truth. Its okay to be irrational and do things that would be frowned upon rather even be improper. If being able to be free and being able to laugh out aloud - if these are signs of freedom, love, and happiness, then to be able to shout, crying wildly, laughing hysterically, screaming loudly should be too. They are just emotions, if positive emotions need to be let out, then, so do negative (although, i don't think anger/frustration are negative if they are allowed to be shared openly.) And its important to see that these are just someones way of trying really hard to reach out to, to connect. And this should be given a thought. Yes, there is a a big difference between monster/dangerous and just healthy - that I cannot define here. But I am sure you get the gist.

Relationships often are not honest. Don't get me wrong, I said they aren't honest. I did not say they aren't earnest. I feel that often in our desire to belong, love, and be loved - we often find ourselves too quick to promise things that we feel are very much within our grasp (blame the adrenaline) However, from personal experiences, I know that the promises made were in earnestness. But when I look back, I do know that even though there was awareness of not divulging in pure honesty - I overlooked.

Infact, that brings me to the next part - how do you know if what you are feeling and saying are not the most honest/truthful words you have spoken? Well, I don't think that at that time we realise the impact of it all. Honestly, the signs are everywhere - in our parents, in other marriages yet even if the wisest sage comes and tells you this - I believe, we'd overlook. Its only later, years later do we realise what we did and how it worked out. Often, I find myself in places where I hold back this instinct to please, to say the right thing. Its just a big trap. Instant gratification. You give in to it to get it in return. Most times, its easier said than done.

Because, its only in these deep and honest times does one find 'the real conversations.' The essence of togetherness comes out when the height of individuality speaks in a voice that holds honesty, assumptions and your own truth; your side of the story, your story. And when you look back, its these moments that stand out and make you understand yourself, and your partner more. So, feel free to let go of the 'ideal.' To break away from the 'should be' and the 'right thing to do' and be open - to freedom.

Finding Me, Again

There are lots of things I want to do. 

And I would love it if we could do them together. 

But I know that you are as stubborn as I am.

And that waiting for you will only mean
I let time pass me like a fistful of sand.

I have come away, far away from you

To see if I have it me, the honest love

The truth that I see in your eyes

When you experience that moment

And live it like it has filled your heart.

When life is not just an idea 

But an experience that waits to be lived

When finding yourself is more than a dream

But a dire need, indeed, I found you

In my darkest hour to be my brightest light

Having stood together, and sharing views

Of world, wisdom and life before us

Its time for me to find if this happiness

Is from you, or really from within me

If its something I borrow from you 

Or if I too have it in me, to see, love and live

I fear that I will suck the life out of you

My borrowing nature will take away

Whatever you are, that you hold so close

And leave you tired, hungry and broken

And leave me like that plant that has sucked 

The life out of its own life giving tree

I want to laugh because its funny to me

I want to 'Wow' because its 'wow' to me

I want to sing, because its melody to me

I want to dance because its rhythm to me

I want to learn because its interesting to me

I dont want to wait for a cue

I dont want to watch your face for lines

Of expressions to tell me whether its okay 

To laugh, be serious, or cry

I want to be independent enough, 

So that I am not the only one leaning on...

I do not think that its good for me 

to live in your shadow, as I have. 

I do not think that I should be so dependent

on you that even crossing a road gives me shivers

If i dont find you by my side

I do not want to be responsible 

For the person who brings unhappiness 

Into our family. The two of us. 

I too want to have a pretty heart

A beautiful mind, and love in my eyes.

So, that one day, when you are tired,
You too can lean on me, catch a breath

Learn a song, dance some moves

And when we come together, for a kiss

Our love, glows, grows and us happy

Things I learnt about me - Part 2 (The fun things)

Things I discovered about my self - quick recall

Some scary stuff...

• That I am full of insecurities, that pull me back from experiencing new places, meeting new people and having new experiences.
• That in a new land, things that I rebelled against became my blanket of comfort and guidance
• That I am quite dependent on others opinion.
• That I am really a chatter/chatty person. And I have a lot of curiosity about others - which i must get to know of - even if that means asking weird or irrelevant questions.
• That unlike a lot of people out there, I am not a firm believer in dividing chores between spouses equally.
• That I dont like Ice cream as much as I thought I did.
• That I am still not a good listener.
• That I am very connected with my 'family' back home, and need to be close to them or in touch with them. - That if I do something again and again, repeatedly, a number of times - I become an expert at it.
• That I have inhibitions, and I feel that I am not good enough and am very very critical about my self and my achievements.

Some not so scary stuff...

• That I do not know myself as well as I thought I did.
• That I am a good student, a good researcher.
• That my favorite shop is Hobby Lobby
• That I want to have a shop/studio of my own one day.
• That I love vacuuming my house twice a week at least.
• That I am a good room mate and do well with people around.
• That I love a pretty tree outside my window
• That I love being in the kitchen.
• That I love wearing nice, really nice clothes.  
• That when I am left to be on my own, I am very peaceful person. And that I do very well with calm
• That marriages can be happy - and that I am living one every day. And that I should be grateful.
• That I really really love sunshine. But also believe in curtains!
  That I am ambitious professionally, and being a home-maker is not my thing. (Sorry Dad!)
•  That photography is not just a hobby for me, its my way of liking myself: its a necessity. 
• I cannot live in a world disconnected. I like my phone, and my laptop - thank you!
•  That my body can dance and move and enjoy it.

Things I Learned About Me (August 2011 - August 2013 )

- The years of absolute learning and silent absence from this blog

The two years I lived in the US as a wife, as a resident, as a learner, as an artist, as a silent watcher of who I am, and who I'd become. Those times were all about rapid learnings - quiet and silent as a feather falling from the sky. Too hard to catch and put into words, and too many to jot down as significant.

However, I am thinking, that I must write about some of them. Put them down here for posterity sake. Something, my father would be proud of - cause he believed and advocated the pen-ink formula and followed it. Here is a three part series - the first being myths I believe about myself to be true. Second, things I discovered about myself. And third, who I am as a spouse, partner, sweetheart and how's mine.

So, here is the first part of the series -  Sam Myths (Some Myths) - Things I honestly believed about myself to be true

Myth: I am confident, and quite sure that I know North America from all the north american advertisers and customers I've worked with in my 4 years of career.

Truth: Honestly, it took me a long time to get out and accept that I did not. Only when I accepted it, did I open up to the culture, the market and the people. I had to over come this to really accept that a 9-9 job is not enough to know a country, or culture.

What Worked For Me: While visiting a country, do take your experiences along, the stories you have heard along, borrowed/hallowed experiences of others along, but I must take it only until my bags reach the country - be ready to revisit them, recycle them and really be open to things - and be ready to revisit your judgements and insecurities - to truly enjoy the experience.



Myth: That I am going to fit in from day One!
Honestly, I've grown up watching American sitcoms, listening and crooning top songs with my favorite American pop stars, Watching American love stories unfold in front of my old TV, following American Academy awards and movie stars, speaking American English, working with an American company, and American colleagues - how hard can it be?

Truth: How hard can it be to fit in? Very Hard. very hard because I went with the approach that I had already seen it all, and done it all. Too bad for me - I was in for a shocker! America is all that on the glossy TV/Movie/Starry shows. But America is a lot more. Infact, this is a reminder to me to never forget that any country/place I visit has a lot more than what is captured or shown.

What Worked For Me:Well, some very hard reality and conversations with people who really saw through my pretense (and I am grateful for that). I felt a dire need from within to be authentic and have authentic relationship and make honest conversations with people. Nothing like what I'd seen in F.R.I.E.N.D.S, HIMYM, GA, Prison Break or whatever other sitcom I'd been following or whatever other book/authors I'd been reading. A lot of good chiding and humor, humility, good faith and a need to be accepted as 'myself'.






 





 

My Calling

There are often days when I come to this point where I am today. There used to be days where often I would to come to this point where I am today. This point you wonder? This point is where I wonder long if I'll ever figure out what is that 'thing' I want to do in life. What is that calling? Do I have a calling? Does everyone find their calling? If not, then how are so many people happy to be in the place they are now? If thats just 'floating happiness' then do they come this point more often than they like to admit?

I remember when I joined Google, I had a feeling very strong from the very beginning that I wasn't meant for a gigantic corporate. In fact, this belief set me back by two years at the work place. For the first two years, I would have soo many good days, what I like to call 'power working' days. These days would shoot me forward and then just as suddenly this feeling would hit me - that I am meant for something else, something different. And I would slow. On those days particularly I would be mellow and look at things in such a different perspective. So, the first two years I really spent reeling between these feelings. So, obviously, during those days I made the gravest mistakes and I had the highest highs at work. 

However, it was only in the last two years of my career that I actually realized something very vital. And it was actually only in the last two years of working did I actually feel like I was learning substantial things that I could keep with me where ever I moved next.

Why am I telling this now? Its going to be a year soon. A year since I last wrote anything substantial here, got married, quit job and moved to a whole different world, a new country and joined a completely new profile  - that of a wife and that too a stay at home wife *wink*

Well, why wink? Simply because I wanted to. And those who'd get it will get more out of it than all the words in the world. So, coming back to words - my realizations in the last few months are as follows

First,  in the last year of living this dream, I've had these very wonderful times or lets me say 'points' in my life when I just knew "this was exactly where I'd wanted to be and this is exactly the place I was meant to be at."

Second, these points came when I was doing things that are least important. Like these were things that one doesn't usually brag about. Like, cooking, or walking on the road while looking at the setting sun, watching the tree outside our window or following as my husband led me on the dance floor. And at these very minuscule and unimportant every day times, I suddenly became acutely aware of the fact that - "I am here. And all is well with the world."

And then there were times when I wondered long and hard as to what really was I doing? I saw my colleagues and friends move to "better things" in life. I saw them move to some really cool companies with a really cool-to-die-for profile. And then, I looked at myself, 25 married and homely, and happy with paper folding and playing with clay. I mean where was the "zest" in me. Every time, I met someone, I would say " I am taking a break to figure out what I want to do in life" And while saying it I would see that I was lying - white lie.

Fact was I truly dint care of what my calling was. I realized I was most times happy cooking up something in my kitchen or even baking. Some days, I spent the whole morning gazing at pretty food pictures, and some days I was happy sketching ideas of my pots and pottery. So, really, I knew that I wasnt really 'looking' to find something big. Looking to find 'my calling' because I was here.

Having said that I know I that sometimes, just sometimes, I do miss working. I know that if I go back working for a company in a rare case - I will actually work for the right reasons. Thanks to this time I've got to myself - and some conversations, I have figured out what my calling is, finally.

I just want to keep doing what interests me. That could be metal smithing today and reading a book tomorrow. But as long as I continue doing this and dont stand and wonder and waste time looking and waiting for a direction, a sign that tells me where I need to go, I ll be ok. The point that I was chasing has finally come to me. Its not really the light at the end of the tunnel that was my answer, but the tunnel itself. And finally, after this realization, I hope I enjoy the ride.


Yup, I am back. After a Happy Year of hibernation! :)


And to those who are still searching... keep looking. The day your at complete peace - stop right there in that moment, and then move on. Thats it, thats your answer. Good luck!

Grief and its stages

They say grief occurs in 5 stages

First, Denial: "I feel fine."; "I am ok" ; "I dont need anyone" ; "I can live without..."


Second, Anger: "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame? When you reach this stage you realize that denial cant last long. You have times of heightened rage and anger. You get angr with yourself, with people around you, especially those you are very close towards.


Third, Bargaining: "If only...", this is the hope stage. Where you look for if onlys. A negotitation with the higher power and the past


Fourth, Depression: "I am So Sad". "I just wish time would stop now, I want to not go anywhere"Depression could be referred to as the dress rehearsal for the 'aftermath'. It is a kind of acceptance with emotional attachment. It's natural to feel sadness, regret, fear, and uncertainty when going through this stage. Feeling those emotions shows that the person has begun to accept the situation.


Fifth, Acceptance:"It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
In this last stage, individuals begin to come to terms with the fact that it all comes to an end. Its part of the cycle and that they'll move on. This stage varies according to the person's situation. People dying can enter this stage a long time before the people they leave behind, who must pass through their own individual stages of dealing with the grief.

Read about Kübler-Ross model called 'Five Stages Of Grief.' A really wonderful theory. She believes that these are more or less the common stages of grief. Someone who has lost someone, or broken up, or is battling a disease and so on does go through these stages. However, they dont have to be in the same chronological order. Read more on Wikipedia or just buy her book called "On death and dying." Its worth It!

If you had an idea and did nothing about, time has gone past now. Its too late. Its long gone.

Forget it and move on...

 

 

2 things: 

One; a blog on All things brand new - a peek into our lives - the new, the newly wedded. 

Two; iVU

 

Longest time, no see... (The Present State Of My Mind)

Hello  :)

Its been longest ever since we spoke to each other, I know! Yup, lots has happened since my last soul-post. Lots of life changing event as we call it. Yup, I got married. Yup, I left Google. Yup, left hyderabad and all that was home. Yup, moved to the US.Yup, have my 'own home'. And my 'own' husbamd. :D (I know, bad joke, I've gotten hugely rusted!) coming back to what I was telling you - Nope, marriage wasnt the reason why I stopped writing. "then why and what?" you ask. Well, if you want to know... after all these changes in my life, I had many many conflicts as you can imagine. With the world, with the 'new room mate', with old hearties at home, and mostly - myself.

During all that I just had no idea what and how was the best way to write and share my state of mind - also cause it was sooo dynamic. Today it was jumpy and the next moment it was downright troubled. Had I chosen to write then, I would have only confused the situation further. To add to this distressed state of being, I had very little access to internet and a keyboard. Now however, I do, albeit temporarily and I plan to make good use of it.

I have also been playing with several ideas in my head almost every single day. And today I wanted to take this opportunity to share it with you all, and also get your feedback on it.

So, since I have moved here, I am not really the same Samvidha anymore. I mean I am still the same, but there's a lot that's changed around me. Lot of interesting things I have done and tried doing, lot of things that have become a part of my lifestyle thanks to a happy-to-be-creatively-involved-spouse & lets-try-this-as-well feeling. So, in the last 6 months, I have gotten involved in pottery, quilling, tango, weaving, metal jewellery designing, cooking, baking, and origami. And so, this makes me a new and improved and more interesting Samvidha - dont you think? :)

So, with all this happening, I wanted to have a place (a blog?) to post and share what I have done recently with you all. This was not only to understand the progress I make within each of the activities, but also to share with you these extremely small yet significant accomplishments and insights while I am at it. Of course this includes all the feedback and pat-on-the-back as well from you all. So, I thought at first, may be I should start a food blog but then I realized that doing a food blog wouldnt do justice to the rest of the activities. Also, my sole passion isnt just food! So, I am thinking about something like a "SamStaysActive" page. I dont know, I am yet to decide on a nice name (any suggestions, do share them - please :)). Another variation of the same thought was that I could also make it a Samvidha&Vamsi page where I could share things that both of us do including glass blowing which is very much vamsi's forte.

So, how do you like the idea? Help me decide, please! Would love to hear your thoughts, suggestions or variations of it.Anything - just anything!

Oh, and yeah & lastly here's a song to soothen those nerve. Its called Delicate by Damien Rice. 

Au Hasard Balthazar - A review

Written & Directed by: Robert Bresson

Stars: Anne Wiazemsky, Walter Green and François Lafarge

Language: French

This perhaps is one of those movies that leave you aching in the heart for the parallels that humans are, and the way they treat 'their' humans and animals. The story though simple brings the complexity of 'human to human' vs 'human to animal' relationship and treatment through a donkey named Balthazar and a girl named Marie.

The story weaves you into itself by showing you the start of both the donkey and the girl's life as happy and playful, an ideal. However, the the girls life changes with situation, the donkey as well is passed to another master.

As the Balthazar moves from one master to another and serves him faithfully by being extremely strong and hardworking, so does Marie. Balthazar is shown being treated and often mistreated by several owners with very little or no compassion. Marie as well is humiliated several times by her lover. She however goes back to him as faithful as her animal friend and is always shown her better side to him.

The scenes that retch your heart are several. From the barbarous treatment being to to the donkey, such as the donkeys tail being lit, the often heavy and huge weight he is made to carry, the hunter treatment, to the extreme indifference some humans have towards faithful helper without whom it could be very difficult for them to survive. In the same way, Marie is shown to have suffered brutally by the ego of her suffering farther who turns down the offer of her childhood sweetheart to marry her, to when she tries to fight for herself she slaps her lover only to receive slaps back from him with more vengeance and power than she can withstand. Dejected both the Balthazar and Marie are seemed to confine themselves to a future that is unknown to them.

Another thing that catches your attention is that Balthazar and Marie both share the same masters several times through the movie. The masters are shown to have the same feelings for both a Donkey and  a Woman - ruthless, vicious and brutal. The movie thus takes you through several comparisons and the end shows Marie being humiliated by her lover by being stripped down by his friends and locked in a house and left. And Balthazar is shown being stolen from Marie's house by her lover to smuggle goods. Balthazar is then abandoned at the blink of an eye when the customs almost catch the crook, only to be shot by a bullet that was meant for the criminal and left to die a slow painful death.

The movie makes you realize once again how in several ways man hasnt left his barbarian side to the ancients. However, on the other hands, carried within him. Man is shown to easily disregard the delicate balance he shares as the oppressor towards nature his partner the animal and the woman both the oppressed.

In the end, personally I am happy that there are movies such as this, and there are movies such as Shrek which portray the donkey in a better light. 

The movie is most definitely worthy of being a part of the Criterion Collection. 

Farewell.


Last days rather day as a Googler.

A desk that I have more than lived my life at. A ID that has more than become my Identification. An email address I have flaunted, forwarded, used and felt proud. Googlers, I have known, more than known, and looked up too. The events, the TGIFs, the lunches, the cafeteria, the teams, the offsites, the cab rides, the facilities and the people. Lots will change, lots will continue to stay the same. One thing is for sure, I ll miss these little things dearly.

So Long, Farewell Google. You have been more than good to me. You have been a brilliant dream. I was fortunate to have had lived it.

Thank you for every every thing,

Love,

Samvidha

Love you 'till the end.

I just want to see you
When you're all alone
I just want to catch you if I can
I just want to be there
When the morning light explodes
On your face it radiates
I can't escape
I love you 'till the end

I just want to tell you nothing
You don't want to hear
All I want is for you to say
Why don't you just take me
Where I've never been before
I know you want to hear me
Catch my breath
I love you 'till the end

I just want to be there
When we're caught in the rain
I just want to see you laugh not cry
I just want to feel you
When the night puts on it's cloak
I'm lost for words don't tell me
All I can say
I love you 'till the end

by pogues

Missing Rover; The Search Is On...

Dearest Darling Rover,

I hope you know how much you are loved and how much you are being missed here. There is not a second that goes by when suk di, mamma and even dadi do something that doesnt involve you. Suk di's the worst but also the most optimistic. You have been gone for more than 36 hours and our hopes havent diminished. Infact we have only become more hopeful that we'll soon find you.

You know, yesterday when you went missing, I really thought you would come back in a bit. That you were somewhere around playing hide and seek, like you do sometimes. I cant tell you how shocking it was for us when it started to dawn on us that you really weren't around to come back, to seek, to play.

Yesterday, thanks to Suk di's awesome friends we were able to look for you. All thanks to the lot (Sunit, Akshaya, Snigdha, Abhishek, Nikki & Even Kaddu) We covered RTC Cross Roads, Narayanguda, Chikkadpally, Indira Park, Gandhinagar, Hyderguda, Domalguda and Liberty areas on bikes. We went to the police stations, the pounds (the place where they go after they pick up stary dogs on the road) It took us the whole day but what kept us going was you.

The thought of you alone in the scorching heat, dehydrated, helpless, with no one to protect you feed you or even hug you was too much to bear. It was also necessary to keep ourselves occupied the whole time because just as soon as there was a minute of quite, within us we would start thinking of you. Sometimes we were filled with your happy thoughts, the way you and suk di had played with pearls necklace the night before. Mumma couldnt stop recalling how I slept on your your tummy using it as a pillow. And how peaceful you were at home.

I can't believe you wandered off too far, yet I can't deny that you are rover. Meant to roam. You know, dad had seen you with the litter and you were the only one rovering and not interested in him. He, curious to see your disinterest picked you up, checked you and looked at you. You looked at him, straight in the eye. You had such honest eyes that sometimes it felt like you could look so deep into our souls without a conversation of words. (Mind you, this is my version of the story, and some parts of it our purely based on my imagination)

You know, when dad had got you home, we were so shocked because it had been only two years since Rufus had passed us. He had been with us for all of 14 years. We for a moment felt that it was betraying him, for we had promised ourselves to never accept any pet after him. But you are such a heart warmer, you know. A few minutes with you and a look at your pudgy gait and happy tail wagging - we melted. You were just 30 days old, and just big enough to fit within our palms. We kept you in a carton that night but you were whining so soo much. So, Sakshi, who is also your best friend and play mate took you out quietly and you slept with her - peacefully in her arms. That night we knew that Rufus would accept cause he too after all loved us just like how you do.

You know, when you had come home the first few months you really showed us what dogs really are - attention seeking-melt-your-heart-people who really can make your life a bag of laughter one moment and a barren land the other. We are on the other side this time, because until yesterday it was all a bag full of happy laughter :) From being a high energy dog who has destroyed all the dolls and soft toys that we were able to save from our childhood playtimes, to some of our favorite pair of shoes, you have taken them all and they are all now nicely settled in your stomach somewhere. But offlate, last few months, you also were becoming more sensitive, more mature. How you would bring your leash to us when you wanted to go home. And how you showed your disapproval when we were angry, or spoke in high tones. How you had started walking with us when we went out on our walks rather than running ahead of us. We could see, how you would communicate. How you would put your hands on our arms to make your point - we heard you every single time.

We miss you darling so so sooo much. I can't tell you how deserted the house looks without you. Every corner looks incomplete, and every smallest space needs your presence. More over, just in the last 12 months you have won us over and your memories are etched in our hearts. You are such a inseparable part of my life that we cannot imagine moving on without you hovering - rovering about us.

When we think of you gone, there are times when it crosses us that you must be lost, dehydrated and waiting for us to come for you. But every time such a thought crosses our minds we think of the other side of the story. We hope you were found by someone who really cares. Who really loves you and is just searching for us the same way we are searching for you.

We love you rover, hope to see you really really soon.

We will never ever ever ever ever give up.

Muah,

Di

Love is

When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away... 






A song for the soul, after a very very long time :)

The Blowers Daughter. 

And He falls in love

... but I can only stand and stare...



and hope and hope and hope...