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Thursday, November 21

Things I learnt about me - Part 2 (The fun things)

Things I discovered about my self - quick recall

Some scary stuff...
  • That I am full of insecurities, that pull me back from experiencing new places, meeting new people and having new experiences.
  • That in a new land, things that I rebelled against became my blanket of comfort and guidance
  • That I am quite dependent on others opinion.
  • That I am really a chatter/chatty person. And I have a lot of curiosity about others - which i must get to know of - even if that means asking weird or irrelevant questions.
  • That unlike a lot of people out there, I am not a firm believer in dividing chores between spouses equally.
  • That I dont like Ice cream as much as I thought I did.
  • That I am still not a good listener.
  • That I am very connected with my 'family' back home, and need to be close to them or in touch with them. - That if I do something again and again, repeatedly, a number of times - I become an expert at it.
  • That I have inhibitions, and I feel that I am not good enough and am very very critical about my self and my achievements.
Some not so scary stuff...
  • That I do not know myself as well as I thought I did.
  • That I am a good student, a good researcher.
  • That my favorite shop is Hobby Lobby
  • That I want to have a shop/studio of my own one day.
  • That I love vacuuming my house twice a week at least.
  • That I am a good room mate and do well with people around.
  • That I love a pretty tree outside my window
  • That I love being in the kitchen.
  • That I love wearing nice, really nice clothes.  
  • That when I am left to be on my own, I am very peaceful person. And that I do very well with calm
  • That marriages can be happy - and that I am living one every day. And that I should be grateful.
  • That I really really love sunshine. But also believe in curtains!
    That I am ambitious professionally, and being a home-maker is not my thing. (Sorry Dad!)
  •  That photography is not just a hobby for me, its my way of liking myself: its a necessity. 
  • I cannot live in a world disconnected. I like my phone, and my laptop - thank you!
  •  That my body can dance and move and enjoy it.

Monday, November 18

Things I Learned About Me (August 2011 - August 2013 )

- The years of absolute learning and silent absence from this blog

The two years I lived in the US as a wife, as a resident, as a learner, as an artist, as a silent watcher of who I am, and who I'd become. Those times were all about rapid learnings - quiet and silent as a feather falling from the sky. Too hard to catch and put into words, and too many to jot down as significant.

However, I am thinking, that I must write about some of them. Put them down here for posterity sake. Something, my father would be proud of - cause he believed and advocated the pen-ink formula and followed it. Here is a three part series - the first being myths I believe about myself to be true. Second, things I discovered about myself. And third, who I am as a spouse, partner, sweetheart and how's mine.

So, here is the first part of the series -  Sam Myths (Some Myths) - Things I honestly believed about myself to be true

Myth: I am confident, and quite sure that I know North America from all the north american advertisers and customers I've worked with in my 4 years of career.

Truth: Honestly, it took me a long time to get out and accept that I did not. Only when I accepted it, did I open up to the culture, the market and the people. I had to over come this to really accept that a 9-9 job is not enough to know a country, or culture.

What Worked For Me: While visiting a country, do take your experiences along, the stories you have heard along, borrowed/hallowed experiences of others along, but I must take it only until my bags reach the country - be ready to revisit them, recycle them and really be open to things - and be ready to revisit your judgements and insecurities - to truly enjoy the experience.

Myth: That I am going to fit in from day One!
Honestly, I've grown up watching American sitcoms, listening and crooning top songs with my favorite American pop stars, Watching American love stories unfold in front of my old TV, following American Academy awards and movie stars, speaking American English, working with an American company, and American colleagues - how hard can it be?

Truth: How hard can it be to fit in? Very Hard. very hard because I went with the approach that I had already seen it all, and done it all. Too bad for me - I was in for a shocker! America is all that on the glossy TV/Movie/Starry shows. But America is a lot more. Infact, this is a reminder to me to never forget that any country/place I visit has a lot more than what is captured or shown.

What Worked For Me:Well, some very hard reality and conversations with people who really saw through my pretense (and I am grateful for that). I felt a dire need from within to be authentic and have authentic relationship and make honest conversations with people. Nothing like what I'd seen in F.R.I.E.N.D.S, HIMYM, GA, Prison Break or whatever other sitcom I'd been following or whatever other book/authors I'd been reading. A lot of good chiding and humor, humility, good faith and a need to be accepted as 'myself'.