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Tuesday, December 23

Sparrow Dance

Sparrow dancing! Apparently, I dance like a lil sparrow :)

This came about while talking about 'Witch of Portobello - Paolo Coelho' with my cubie, and a good friend Archie, expressing how the book has transformed the way I dance.

:) Some transformation I say!

Best Compliment ever; I love sparrows :)

Post Script: This particular post has attracted attention from people worldwide, I guess because most of them wanted to see/read something about the dance of sparrows. Apologies, if this in any way has mislead you. For you all, I was fortunate to be able to shoot sparrows showering. These are Indian Sparrows found in Hampi, close to Karnataka. These pics, I hope, do not dissapoint you. Do leave your comments behind... its good to read your thoughts!

Tuesday, December 2

Kahlil Gibran - On Children

This post is meant more for my muse.

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Monday, November 24


I love the smell of Fevicol, fresh and white when the lid is opened. Thats why I sit near the door close to the carpenter who uses it lavishly on his work.

Phenyl, is another fragrance that I love, and so, when she wipes the floor, I tend to put my feet up and take in the clean smell and smile at her :)

The unmistakable fresh smell of wet mud, soil parched from the scorch and heat of summer, thrilled at the joy of rain, wetting it and wetting our minds with happiness emanating through cantible fragrance. I like to stand on the porch mooning over the patter of water and breathing in on the freshness

When in kitchen my sense of smell is again delirious with many many things, however the time when I add garlic to oil, I know I am more alive in that moment.

And then again, the most gratifying smell in the world is to wash your face with soap and water, and with closed eyes grope for the towel and find it starched and ironed and smelling surf :) Thanks Amma

In the night when I walk in late, tired in my bones and all I see is my bed, its the inviting blanket and my bed that beckons. The familiar smell of my blanket once I slip into it, gives instant comfort and welcomes me into that peaceful sleep

Some of the most amorous aromas that I can never forget are:
  • Ma
  • Jaggery in her mouth
  • Dads old files
  • The kerosene stove
  • Hakka Noodles - The smoky Wok
  • Pears - The Soap
  • Fresh, Red Apple
  • Juicy Mango
  • His fur
  • That Old Trunk
  • Gas
  • Coriander leaves
  • Eucalyptus
  • Chana (chick pea)
  • Night queen - Raat ki rani
  • Broken milk for cottage cheese (process of making paneer)
  • Babies!!Johnson & Johnson minus poop :)?
  • Old Rupee notes
  • After bath smell of the bathroom
  • Fresh warm clothes - ironed by the coal Iron (Istri)
  • Him
  • kolapuri Chappals
  • Felt tip pen
  • Coffee!! ummmmm
  • developing studio
  • kangdi

Friday, November 21

Phir Dekhiye

Aankhon Mein Jis ke
Koyi Toh Khaab Hai
Khush Hai Wahi Jo
Thoda Betaab Hai
Jindagi Mein Koyi Aarzu Kijiye,

Phir Dekhiye

Honto Pe Jisake
Koyi Toh Geet Hai
Woh Haare Bhi Toh
Usaki Hi Jeet Hai
Dil Mein Jo Geet Hai Gunguna Lijiye,

Phir Dekhiye

Yaadon Mein Jiske
Kisika Naam Hai
Sapano Ke Jaisi
Uski Har Shaam Hai
Koyi Toh Ho Jise Apna Dil Dijiye,

Phir Dekhiye

Khwaab Buniye Zara,
Geet Suniye Zara
Phul Chuniye Zara,

Phir Dekhiye

Wednesday, November 12

May be silence is and will remain the best policy with matters that concern people. Kill the problem even before it is blown out of proportion.

Tuesday, November 11

A Jaunt to remember

And it was suddenly decided that We 'Bhumi' would go to Warangal for Rakesh's Bro's wedding. I was lucky this time as there was Kaddu for company. Things happened quite fast and quickly and the next thing I knew was being doled into Rahul's car with Harish... Looong drive on looong stretch of this snaking road that just kept going on and on and... We followed. :)

The drive was everything that most of the long drives with friends are :) Lots of laughs, and songs and karaoke and 'loose control!!' Some rather funny moments some fights over what songs should play and some scary-touch-me-not leg-pulling.

Great scenery - I swear Andhra roads are in such good condition when compared to other states. NH 202 took us through Hyderabad the city, to small towns and then villages, and lots of fields and smaller bleak and obsolete villages (This time there was lot of cotton growing apart from the usual wheat and rice.)

Starting early in the morning around 7 we reached Warangal at 11. A quick shower and change of clothes saw us transform from Wannabes and cool dudes to kurta pajama and suit clad good homey people. The wedding was way over by the time we finally parked our car. Such a different feeling to attend a small-town-wedding. Everyone who is anyone must have been there. Small delights watching girls in langa odni :) and flowers... Its been so long since i saw people adorn flowers as ornaments. And Indian Flowers to be precise - Wild roses and jasmine - No hybrid lot there!

Lapping on the food and then again we were off to Lakhnavaram. An obsolete lake (still not on Google maps) some 60 kms from warangal took us by surprise. If we NH 202 had taken us from cities through towns and villages. We now reached great expance of fields in varied colors and just a house between them. Barn owls and little birds the kallu man and his pots on the trees was a delight in every sight.

Lakhnavaram, was the icing. The fresh inviting water and the autumn leaves that caught to the trees for their lives with beautiful colors of autumn on display. The water all around and the sunset was just the most picture perfect and meditative moment I have ever lived in.
the tranquility and the stillness in the moments can be felt even when hooligans around :)

Dips in the water and lots of masti later we finally had to leave that beautiful place. It hurt to find out that the government has plans of commercializing the place. What about the stillness? The cleanliness in the air and the beauty in everything? Paved roads and ticket counters are most appealing to some I guess!

The drive that followed is forever etched in my mid. Stimulating talks over heart of the matter things with Mujeeb driving the car with kaddu in the navigators seat :) I have an uncanny feeling that I a car person, be it driving, or traveling. I love cars and its like a basic instinct come alive - especially on highways. Thanks Dad! For taking us all over the world in your four wheels. :)

We stayed at the guest house of the National Institute of Tech. Warangal - Perks of having a friend who is an alumni. The night was still young I guess, cause what followed was tuned guitar and percussion and songgggsss... :) Thats how that one day ended. :)

The next day we explored the Thousand Pillar Temple, the Warangal fort (drive through). My cam was sadly not available as I had no battery! So... Sony ericson phone sufficed to leave us some memories. That evening we left in a bus. Bringing our all too lively jaunt to an end.. leadng us back into the world of noice and cars and the usual city ramble. Hmmpff What a week it was! :)

Louly place, Louly people, And Louve! :) What more can someone ask for?

Thursday, November 6

Fresh Ho Jao!

A fresh perspective thanks to the new ads on TV. My favorite, hands down is the Limca Fresh ho jao ad - 2008 . The most outstanding thing about the ad apart from beautiful camaraderie between the actors and some great camera work, is the song that makes a lot of difference to the ad.

Here is how the song goes, and a literal translation for my not-so-fluent-in-hindi-speaking-friends! :)

Phuhare, bouchare, nazare chura lo na, kuch boondein chura lo na.
Thanki si zindagi se, ruki si zindagi se kuch lamhe chura lo na.
Kuch Yaadein aur sapney apne chura lo na

Oh! thaki si zindagii se, ruki sii zindagi se raftaarein chura lo na.
The girls singing, taunting... requesting lover, singing
"Fountains, showers, and beautiful scenery... steal them, steal them please.

Steal a few drops of them..
lets steal it from this tired life.

Lets steal them from this "halted" life
come steal a few moments please
some memories, some dreams, lets steal them please...
oh this halted life, this tired life; lets steal the speed (life) from it... please..."

Destiny vs Free Will

I have been thinking, the various decisions that I have consciously made, in past (and will in future as well) - Are they really mine? Or was it a silent "divine intervention." Was it destiny that lead me to them or my conscious self talking?

Simple things I have done to life changing events like going to St. Francis, Applying for Mass comm making some beautiful friends for life time or meeting Vamsi or joining Google, or finding Bhumi. Sometimes, I like to thing that it was a conscious decision which makes me feel responsible, and sometimes I like to think it was destiny which led me to it which effectively makes me (what?).

However, at this point in time I am thinking that its both. Partly destiny and partly conscious choice. Certain things are just meant to be, you will find what you are seeking ( and that it comes to you). And if you are seeking then its your destiny.

Choice comes into place when you reach a part of the road map destiny has mapped for you and you are standing at the crossroads. its when you decide to do that thing you do (or not do) which again sets the ball rolling and destiny is at work again taking you to either the map chalked out or creating a new map followed by your decision.

Which makes me believe that there is no wrong or right in this life. There is all that I can do, and most time, I as an individual prefer to feel responsible for myself. And so, I rarely disregard my free will and almost always like to tickle the destiny's spirit of adventure.

Richard Bach is a great read in this regard, would like to touch bases back with him, once again.

To that Cheers!

Sunday, October 26

Diwali ...

Time to spend time with them, the beloved ones.
Time to enjoy their smiles,
As the sparkle lights your eyes
And makes our lives bright.

Time to enjoy what others gave you
Time to light those lights
As the crackers catch the spark
And bright the sky is lit in the night.

आप सब को मेरी तरफ़ से दीपावली की डेर सारी प्यार भरी शुबकामनाएं

Friday, October 17

Another one, another day.

At blue cross, with our pup look alike.

She Survived the night (Wooohoo!) and survived the bumpy auto ride(WhOhA!) ... and the bike ride! (Yayy!) Blue cross doctor had a look at her and explained that her lower beak was broken. Chances of survival were very low. Although they would wire her beak so it would hold together, not sure if she would be able to eat anything.

One of the pups for adoption

For now she is being taken care of. So beautiful and so pretty. And still so egoistic :)
I admired the way she fought each time the box was opened, fought for her freedom, fought to be out there where she belongs.

:) Some pictures of the ones who 'Made It' with candid pics for memories :)

The lil birdie who sang songs - We called her madam curie paani poorie

Thursday, October 16

Another one...

Another one...

A baby Dove, a baby stork, an injured sparrow, a blinded pigeon, a baby crane, an abandoned injured pup, a lil baby bird that sang the sweetest songs, and now a baby kingfisher. If I tried to count where and when this chain of babies entered my life, it wouldnt be easy for me to be able to recall the day and the date when they started coming into our lives, all I do know is that they just would come. Come to us, or we would find them. Somehow, we (my lil sisters) and I would find them ( these lil babies with lil hearts beating in them ) either at our door step or somewhere. Each one with their own stories....

Most of the times their tiny little hearts beating with a lil bit of effort were too fragile to save. There are no "success stories." It came naturally to us to get attached to them, even if they were with us for a few hours. We have tried to take care of them as best as we could. Some left me bleeding in my heart, and some leaving us so out of breath. The first one that died on us was the baby dove. It was our baby, the first one and when we took it to grave I felt like my heart was but in a plastic bag and sealed with no air to pass. Rusus passed away, and we decided that we wouldnt get another for as long as we could.

Then, they started trickling into our lives, the kittens were the cutest. Also, the nautiest and the ones that survived. May be cause they are mammals and have the basic instinct to survive. The baby stork was bravely sent back into the park, and the the baby crane was abandoned on the road, cause I was very scared of it and the BIGG beak it had. Yea Yea, the guilt I feel to have left it standing when I could have helped it had I overcome my fear still lasts. The most recent was the lil black pup who Sukriti brought home after she woke to hear him howling. It was injured and very weak. Someone said that it was abandoned by some kids who had taken the rest of the litter. We kept him that day,and he slept that night. We had decided to take it to Blue cross the next day cause other wise it wouldn't survive, we knew. We did go to blue cross the next day but he dint come with us. With the lil energy he had, he had slipped away from our house and although we had searched every alley we weren't able to find him. That night he came back and we were glad to see him although, he dint last to see that night.

Today, I was out trying to lock the gate of my cousins home, and I see this bird trying to reach high enough with the little strength her wings had. I see that with all the effort she puts in, she doesn't reach half the six feet wall. Her feathers are distinct, turquoise and brown. Her beak think and open. Somethings hangs out from it and she seems to not be able to close her mouth. I first go close and she feels my presence and tries to fly past the wall. Nothing. I go in and get a cloth so I can catch her, she again senses my presence and is scared. So she flies blindly in the opposite direction and hits straight into the other wall, beak first. There she lies unconscious when I finally get a hold of her. Still too young I can see doesn't have strong feathers to fly, yet. I look at her mouth and find something hanging, I try and pull it out thinking its something thats stuck in her neck. After a lil pulling (I feel so terrible for doing that ) I realized it was her tongue that was twisted in this weird way. It was dark, almost nine when I got her inside. Put her in a shoe box. By then, she had recovered from her shock and was ready to escape from me. Scary and angry she is at me for putting her there.

She now sits inside the shoe box. I have given her some water and I want her to survive. I cant bear another one to die on me. Its too much to take.

I am waiting for it to be morning again. Please be with me, dear god.

Friday, October 3

Shadows That Abet.

Someone said love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.

Question: What if you two start wanting completely different things in life?

What happens to The recognition. The acknowledgment. The Record. The faith.

Questions Unanswered.

My soul needs some peace for now. But how would it R.I.P if my mind and me do not sleep?

For now, watch the shadow dance.

Monday, September 29

Love, an endless charade.

Love, what a charade. Too much of it in this world, everyone seems to be in love. The world no longer pretends to be made of such things as music and promises but announces it true nature, which is love.

The happiness on all sides is endless and ever deepening. This we spin, and spin, and spin trying to turn a moment of pleasure into forever, but why not lets make the most of it now, because it never lasts long. Always there is something that comes along, ready to spoil it.

An extract from Animals People - Indra Sinha.

Tuesday, September 23

Little Things - Julia A. F. Carney

Little drops of water,
little grains of sand,
make the mighty ocean
and the beauteous land.

And the little moments,
humble though they may be,
make the mighty ages
of eternity.

Little deeds of kindness,
little words of love,
make our earth an Eden,
like the heaven above.

So our little errors
lead the soul away,
from the paths of virtue
into sin to stray.

Little seeds of mercy
sown by youthful hands,
grow to bless the nations
far in heathen lands.

:) one of the poems i sing very often. If not for Google, I would have taken me loong to figure who penned it down.

Monday, September 22

Of Bombs and Booms!

And Boom! Rang that noise.
Everything was quite
A quite chill for seconds
before the fury came alive.
Of pain, and loss and cries.
The tears flowed with the rain and
the red of the blood that stained.

The roads flowed with flesh and blood
and the garbage stayed upturned
Shouts and hollers of life attuned
In the night the dead returned.
Iraq, Iran and America
Kashmir and Pakistan
Heard them say those things
the cries, and shouts and regular bombings.

Then the sound came closer
and until Hyderabad they came
then it was turn of Surat,
lets not forget Ahmadabad the same
Mumbai topped the list
while Bangalore was tested and tried

and then back to Pakistan with 60 dead, they cried..

countless cities amidst
countless cries of pain.
That sheered Saree
and the blasted limp
the odd shoe of my Muslim kin.

Destruction and death
grows on me
Like the branches of a tree
The roots go deep
not even the sap can seep

What can happen and how.
The question of whats in store
do we have a safe today, forget tomorrow

finding safe, and wanting safe
thats what I keep thinking about
anywhere or nowhere
finding it would make me mighty proud.

The rash that never dies
and the fire that burns my heart out,
need a spray, to paint them
or a rope to tie them
Oh!bring on those hoses dear firemen
lets see you wash them down
Bring out the buckets dear neighbors
lets all clear them out
One by one, we will take our turn
and fill the world to the crown.

If there is so much pain
lets for once pray and bring in the rain
Lets wash those tears out
and let the silence talk about
the love, the life and
the beauty in every heart.

To all the ones who smiled.

Wednesday, September 17

A lil girls Memory, and her fathers song.

Preface: Before you start reading, let me fill in the gaps. My dad was a fighter pilot most of my 'lil girl life'. Off the many parties I have been to with him, the most memorable remain the bachelor parties. The excitement in the air and the music. It doesn't seem to evade me, ever. Although these memories are blocked, here was something that brought back the energy afresh. Bachelor Boy, a classic by Cliff Richard I heard someone humming in the corridor. An instant later, I had to ask him what was the song. The stranger told... and then I heard.

Here is the email I subsequently wrote to dad, and his subsequent reply.

Dear Dad,

They say the imprints of some music you hear when you were a child never leave you.

I am not sure how far it is true, but when I heard someone humming this song, I had some distinct and clear visions. I could see a band, and white... may be the uniform that was white, or the snow, or the sheets, or the paint of the room, or the socks I wore. I must have been really tiny cause my line of vision seems to be below the torso level. :) But I do know that I was instantly filled with so much happiness and love, and something else...

I could clearly visualize holding your hand while the song played. Was there dancing too? Were there bumps as well? I remember laughing, and happiness, I also remember you singing, or may be humming it... I am not sure.. but the picture it created was amazing. One song that I distinctly remembered and although I could not recall when and where I had heard it.

Do listen when you can.


Dads reply...

Hmmm...must have been some sqadron party and group singing as far as I can recollect. Could be Kervincop uncle in srinagar/udhampur/hindon...he used to sing
with the guitar. But you were too small then...less than 2.


"Ha ha ha. May be." I replied saying "How does it matter? It brought back some beautiful memories to me."

Like I said, Do listen to the song.

Monday, September 1

Bangalore relived.

Got back from Bangalore this weekend. My belief on everything happens for a reason is now set for life. Just a few months earlier I was all depressed ready to give up on life (A metaphor man...) cause I couldn't attend my cousin- Suruchi's wedding.

Today, I feel blessed. I am soo glad I went to Bangalore on this impromptu trip. Bangalore as a place has more malls than I can even count. The brigade road and the IT parks make it what it is known today. Every turn in Bangalore leads to a theater, or a mall. The one that that you cant ignore is how well dressed everyone is in Bangalore. Really! I was mighty surprised!.

  • Highlights of Bangalore
  • Maghaii Pan.
  • Death by chocolate
  • The Bangalore rain,
  • The funny caps the traffic police wears
  • The HUGE road crossings!
  • Brigade road,
  • Sarjapur road,
  • It parks scattered all over
  • Sun City
  • FM radio that played on all traffic signals, entertained.
  • Bangalore traffic,
  • Infini'tea.. a place where only tea is served.
  • Trek on Nandi hills
  • Beta, Motu, gagan and gauri, Amar
  • Hyderabad's Biryani
  • Suruchi and Gobind - Truly Inspired.

Thank you for an amaazing week. I am going to relive every moment many times over, in several lifetimes.

Thursday, August 28

I Am My Own Clown.

Don't go by the way I look
Cause looks almost always deceived.
I have looked inside and looked beyond
Somewhere down it feels like
I am my own clown

Sad and desolete
I am not sure what I see
There is nothing beneath me
there is nothing over me

Cover me over,
cover me with a sheet
There is darkness all so obsolete
groping my way, the pain just seeps.

Tougher it gets to find that feeling
somethings remains inside me
am I the fallen leaf floating in the wind?
or the dying walking with a stick

Sleep comes over me and i fall
deep, delirious, and drunk
darkness calls me
and I know I have to go.

Not sooner not later
may be now
the time; they say is now or never
is it me or just the world

There is happiness even in pain
I see it in sunshine and the rain
I feel it when my heart skips a beat
like a kid sliding down a slope

My heart misses and finds its place
deep inside in me
thats where it sleeps, leaps
hops, skips and jumps.

Things go round, and come back to me
Listen, even if there is no sound
is it my heart or my head
or is it just me thats dying, may be already dead.

The feeling of pain, misery and disdain
what is with every sound
no smile, nothing comes around
my worlds standing still.

Come falling on me my wind
take me with you where ever you go
let me breathe in what you feel
let me take in what you see

jumping on to my pony
I want to reach, laughing,
places; when there is no sound
colors in me, and around

I am happy, I know
I am my own clown

Wednesday, August 20

Flying on the water so wild

"Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink ;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink."

The Rime of the Ancient Mariner

- Samuel Taylor Coleridge

This is how My mind could best describe the river rafting experience.
The water was fresh water, so not exactly undrinkable like the quote. However, I did have my share of it

Long time since I tasted a lil bit of adventure in life, So I signed up for a trip to Kolad, a small hill station near Raigarh, Maharashtra. From the word 'go' the trip seemed to have the right spirit, With all, and within all. The train journey was great. knowing almost no one on the trip has more advantages than disadvantages I say. There were so many times when I have discovered some amazing companions, and this trip was no less. Played Uno until my eyes hurt, and 'bluffed' my way through some fun moments!

On reaching Chembur, Mumbai we got into a bus which took us to Kundalini River, Kolad. The
Camp River Wild, had enough rafts and guides arranged for us. All geared up in our helmets and life jackets and with an oar in hand we walked towards the river.

The water level was rising as it rained.
River Kundalika is fed by waters released from Mulshi Dam and Bhira dam and provides 9 km rafting location with class 3 and class 4 rapids. As the best time to visit here, is the monsoon, when the water levels are good for rafting. However, what is interesting to know is that depending on levels of water, rafting can be done rest of the year as well.

Quickly Dividing ourselves into groups of 8, we stood close to our rafts. The thought of stepping into the water, gushing with all its strength gave me quite a chill in the spine. However, all the time i could not understand how am i going to raft in seconds? Am I tall enough, does my body have enough strength, what about swimming? I cant swim!!, and what about rocks , I could hit one and die forever... etc etc (like some people died for the time being :D)

It was surprising to see that how efficiently we were given a pronto training of how to handle the raft, the oar and all the safety guidelines. Along with that the forward peddle, the back peddle and then the wait and to just rest the oar on your knees and enjoy!

The rafting is done over an 8 kms stretch, a journey filled with high thrills over rapids lasting almost three hours. The thrill of River Rafting can hardly be explained in writing. You have to feel it to believe it.

One moment is all quiet, you are in control. Your breathing is slow, normal. The next you loose all control and the water takes it from there! Heart races, you forget breathing. The thrill of working in a team, keeping in pace with your self and the water. There is just so much that I felt in that raft than what these words allow me to I say. The water sprays, splashing at you as the raft finds its way - tingling you.

In time you are so spent that you are suddenly thirsty for the cold cutting water that you are ready to drown yourself, just so that you get to feel it in return. I realized what an irony it is. This is the same water you were scared to get into a lil while back, and now you want it to completely cover you. 'Drench you, drown you.' :)

The best was after crossing the rapids, the river turned much to quiet. That was the time when all of a sudden like an earthquake we were all thrown into the water. All my fears of what lay beneath came to life with the mangroves on both the river banks. All i could think of was crocodiles. Really? Fresh water crocs samie? :)

Anyways, a swim (more like floating in the water, as the water carries us to the shore) for more than an hour was just the thing that quenched my body's thirst for the water. The adventure had come to an end, just like it had started.

Post this the highlights of the trip included
  • Reaching Doctors Farm
  • The color Green
  • Rain. Wet. cold. Breeze. Quiet.
  • Living in bamboo dorms
  • Meeting some great people
  • Some common interests shared.
  • Lotus in the pond
  • The crows on the roofs
  • The trek in the wilderness
  • The food.
  • The sleep I had
  • Finding myself
  • Realizing myself
  • Silence
  • Loving myself
  • Discovering myself.
  • Living Myself.

Wednesday, August 13

Cloudy Tuesday, Sunshine Wednesday :) Yay Yay!

Monsoons in Hyderabad, Finally!
Heavy rains lashed the city for almost two days and two nights followed by a cloudy Tuesday.
And today it was back to bright and shiny- Sunshine!

Umm.. I love sunshine but I love the rains as well.
Can we please have a lil bit more of dark, cloudy, (for some gloomy) sleepy mornings?

Suddenly the scene has changed from everyone cribbing that there are no rains to Oh! My These Rains!! Hmmpff... I am wondering what exactly is happening to this world? Almost always finding ways to crib about something or the other. I can hear them say "Oh! I cant believe the clouds gave away to the sun so easy!"

Really.. People!!?!!

Moving on, I Saw this movie called 'Into The Wild.' An awesome movie I say!
Quoting a line that repeats in my head from watching it. "Happiness is only real, when shared."

The Singing Butler is a final toast to my mood.
Persistently Optimistic.

I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair.

I keep replaying this song.
And i concur with every word, every emotion and every phrase.

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In seventy-seven and sixty-nine revolution was in the air
I was born too late into a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When the head of state didn't play guitar
Not everybody drove a car
When music really mattered and when radio was king
When accountants didn't have control
And the media couldn't buy your soul
And computers were still scary and we didn't know everything

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In seventy-seven and sixty-nine revolution was in the air
I was born too late into a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When pop stars still remained a myth
And ignorance could still be bliss
And when god saved the queen she turned a whiter shade of pale
My mom and dad were in their teens
And anarchy was still a dream
And the only way to stay in touch was a letter in the mail

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In seventy-seven and sixty-nine revolution was in the air
I was born too late into a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When record shops were still on top
And vinyl was all that they stocked
And the super info highway was still drifting out in space
Kids were wearing hand me downs
And playing games meant kick arounds
And footballers still had long hair and dirt across their face

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In seventy-seven and sixty-nine revolution was in the air
I was born too late into a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
I was born too late into a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

Artist - Sandi Thom
Introduced by Shweata.

Friday, August 8

Question - Why Is Vamsi So Irritating (Period)?

So here is a question that I have asked myself again and again, and again.

The answer he gave me was "cause he is a bad person" very convenient and dealt in a very Vams'ish way. I am still asking.

Well, after a lot of thinking these are the things I have realized that are directly linked to my irritation and his behavior.

  • I am pretty scary.
  • I refuse to give a good reason for being highly unresponsive at times.
  • I suddenly go dark and moody
  • I have a tendency to speak in riddles that he obviously does not understand.
  • I like to play around with my feelings and his, like wise
  • I rarely listen to him
  • I like to talk when he is talking
  • I like to irritate a sane man and lead to "almost retard" mental status.
  • I am very very stubborn (especially with him)
  • I have major mood swings that can shoo away any one, leave alone this one pup.
  • I can get angry and stay like that for a long time
  • I can get angry and keep throwing tantrums assuming that the poor guy would know whats happening.
  • I refuse to budge.
  • I love the time he gives me a lecture
  • I love it when his maturity and sanity over powers me and my mental habits and I shut up and listen.
  • I love the thrill of a fight with him
  • I like to get the answers straight while when its my chance to answer, I like to throw pebbles and bread pieces on the way.
  • I can be highly demanding.
  • I have a great habit - I assume.
  • I hate my work. Period. However, while hating it, I start hating everything around me, and make everyone miserable. Him the most cause he knows, understands, and loves me the most.
  • I like to go the long way, not the highway.
  • I love to see his patient side with me.
  • I love it when he is tender and sweet
  • I love the fact that he can make me feel like a small kid, who tried to steal the cookie from the jar and got caught.
  • I have a problem.
  • I like to be pampered
  • I like it when after the fight I can feel the concern in his voice.
  • I fill in the blanks of the physical void by chasing other things
When I am irritated, and I hurt others in the process. Especially someone who loves me leaps and bounds.

Question - is it true that you hurt those you love the most?


Thursday, August 7

Shades of grey wherever I go,
The more I find out the less that I know.
Black and white is how it should be.
But shades of grey are the colors I see.

Courtsey - Aswathy, and Billy Joel (Shades of grey )

Tuesday, June 17

Dot your 'i's and Cross your 't's

This is not the only thing that I remember of my English teacher every time I think of her. An awe inspiring person who is so deeply etched that sometimes I can easily compare the similarities between her and me. A fair judge of character and the most enthusiastic teacher I studied under. I do not know how she is now neither do I know where she is, but if there is something I do know, then its surely that feeling that takes me back to my 6th std (and on...) Where she started teaching me English.

I had never had seen, or met, a teacher as enthusiastic about her subject, the children she taught, and the class she taught in, as her. Alive every minute. I have ceased to remember what was in the books that I so religiously carried in my bag to school. How ironic that teachers are not given as much importance in our life as books are, while its mostly them that keep the spirit of a subject alive.

I love English for the stories it gave me, and for the poems I read, more over I love it cause all my best memories of classrooms and school go back to English.

The way each character came alive every time the reader found its way on to Hemalatha Ma'am or Nagireddy Sir's hands. The magic they created with simple narration, anecdotes to add, and a wonderful smile they had for everything else. It just brought out the best in them - the books, the teacher, and of course the class. Thanks to them, my love for the 'subject' carries on. More over my respect for teachers and enthusiasm for teaching lives on.

Dotting my 'i's and Crossing my 't's, I move on.

Monday, June 16

IQ = 110 (seriously?!)

So, i was browsing, and So i was reviewing some advertisers website for his landing page quality. I was only trying to do my job, and I must say that the website was pretty interesting and distractive. So, after 3 minutes of review, I am distracted. I do not realize that I am distracted by the attractive virtual world that we live in, until the time I am about to close the link, and get back to the pile of work that has collected.

So this website has nothing that mesmerizes me. Only one thing keeps flashing in my mind, right in front of my eyes "Test Your IQ Now" and so, without giving it a second thought I say "why not?" Two minutes into the page I am furiously writing some numbers trying to figure out the best answer. And expecting no results. After about 20 questions, I finish the test. Get my results.

Whats the result? I have an IQ if 110. Above average! Wow I am surprised to the core.
Above average? when? how? :) Tee Hee. I am not complaining. So, the wows for 'I am not Severely challenged.' I was never expecting my scores to tilt towards the genius too :) But, Yea. I am surprised.

The screen shot of the scores and the comparative results you can see. 34.1% of the people who take the test tend to fall in that bracket. Just random FYI. :)

Saturday, June 14

Your Body. Your Rules.

So, I have been watching ads on Youtube. Each with a real awesome slogan and some kick ass attitude to throw around. The best I found were these condom commercials. With the byline thats reads 'your body your rules.' and I am totally for it.

Here I am trying to find my niche and I realize that whatever 'that' means, I want my head on my shoulders and my heart in the right place. But most importantly I want the right attitude, that lets me say "Yes", when I want to, and "No" when I dont.

No words to mix, no emotional quizzes. Just black and white and nothing else in between.

Its not about the activity 'sex' that I limiting this attitude to as goes the commercial, It it goes beyond it. Hence rephrasing it, My life. My Body. My Rules. And really, if you want to shop peacefully, and don't want the same kid in your life - Wear a condom! :) If you do, enjoy

Thursday, June 12

Awim-a-wep | Awim-a-wep |

Oh! HowI love this song. I can go loony watching the hippo sing Oprah while the doggie does the jig.
And unlike people who hate to make a fool of themselves in a crowd, or someplace, I very much like the experience of forgetting who will think what, where, and how.

Somewhere in between, I had become too shallow, for my own standards. What happened to the simple joys of having the freedom to watch what you want without any inhibition, what about the freedom to work at your own convinience? what about the freedom to approach anyone (ahem, I mean anyone!) and share a joke? or just smile...
Thankfully,I have come out of that shell now. All that is in the past, a point in the past. Now, my history.

The credit goes to 'The Freaks' who, given a chance would just love to sing the loony song. And then Google, for nurturing this loony side of me by placing loonier people around, and not pushing me to become a 'hot shot corporat'ishly dressed skinny woman :)

A workshop called 'Be Google' was conducted for us (one of the most open platforms for exchange of ideas and the Googliness I see around.) What I like d the most about the workshop was this feeling that remained from the beginning until the end - I am Google.

When the workshop came towards its end, I was overwhelmed with the feeling of how I am caught up with my own fears, my work load and the daily drowning drudgery of living due to which I have ceased to realize what a wonderful world it is.

Google is wonderful indeed. The culture we have, the culture we imbibe, and share and pass on. The facilities I get to use, The people I get to meet, mingle, and make friends with. Bonding. My team So happy and cheerful. Very rarely can you get a combination of all of this (I guess you never do.) And the freedom.

So, I am not going to be a cribbing goddess anymore. There is much more to Google, and being a Googler than what I saw and felt in the past. There is so much more to my world. Although, I do miss the walks in the cloudy monsoon. And of course, the outside world! My priorities have not changed. Yet, suddenly i want to love everything around me. Appreciate it for all that its worth.

The passion and the compassion that each person has for the other is a wonderful feeling. This time, this feeling i would love to remember, I want it to last. Like a love affair, I rather remember the heated, light hearted romantic moments shared than the sad, and depressing times I seem to focus a lot of my energies on.

I may be anywhere in the world. I will remain a Googler at heart, wanting to carry on forward this culture, the tradition, the innovation, the freedom, and the open and friendly ways to a next level. A new height and a whole new beginning.

I am once more falling in love with you - Google

Wednesday, June 11

I cant change.

I have gone back dreaming
So you must lead me through the day
I will touch you night time
And in the loveliest way

I would feel the sunlight
But I could burn from everywhere
Now you must make me a shadow
I will shine for you in there

I can't change
I can't change
I can't change

My angel took her promise
And left with the worst of lies
How will there ever be a future
If everyone just dies

I can't change
I can't change
I can't change

I have gone back dreaming
So you must wake me in a while
You will see me leaving
You will get my morning smiles

My angel made my difference
Like no one really can
She left me here to love you
Please love me if you can

Monday, June 9

So... I love the spider!

The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout
Down came the rain and washed the spider out
Out came the sun and dried up all the rain and
The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout.

I have always been inquisitive about this creepy, quick as a wink, eight legged creature that walks on the walls, jumps between two pillars and post, and I find it slier than a cat.

When i was young, what surprised me the most was to discover intricately woven web in all the cracks and crevices of my hiding places, each time I crawled into one. The spider was always there, much before me. The various cupboards that were dark and dingy, or if you scrap the bark of a tree, between the leg of a chair, or even the roof of the dining table.

Then, most of my reaction involved staring at the web and this eight legged arachnid's and slowly seeing my mind web a horror story of the spider jumping on me. Remember the
lil miss muffet story? And lo! that was all it took for me to pop out of my hiding, thoroughly shaken and scared. Deciding to never to go into that dark and scary place again.

Since then, my relation ship with the spider has only grown. From shitting on the pot for stretched hours, watching it walk on the wall -horizontally upwards towards its prey. To finding webs each having its intricate homey feel. Sometimes, feeling lucky to see its prey caught in between. No. I am not a heartless person. Yet, I confess that I was too involved with my spider to give its pray more than a seconds attention in counting.

When watching was not satisfying enough, I started touching them, squishing them between my fingers to see the whitish liquid ooze out. Silently watching it twitch it's legs until it bit me on my finger as I saw it die. Ummm blame it on a
child's curiosity ?!

To conclude, yeah, in one sentence I am inquisitive and mildly attracted to spiders.

So, when I remembered this song from my past I was compelled to sing it aloud. Made both my
cube'es dread my singing at first, and then inspired them to sing along. And now, I am sure my memories with the spider will be etched in both their life history forever. Oh! not to forget how I tortured Vamsi, who was doomed to hear my hysterical cry (read: the song ) in all its glory.

Do sing along. :)

Tuesday, June 3

Into the sky.

Spent the whole evening watching,
a cloud churn out shapes for me
From the scary wolf of the red riding hood,
to the old wise man from the sea.

It was all cool and dark this night,
bleak, distant stars twinkling in the sky
The wind was blowing high up,
while down here, the breeze gave me company.

Finest summer spent with thee,
drawing figures with fingers
Etching out shapes from within
on the stark black infinity.

Fighting fears with dolphins
and the monsters hidden underneath,
or watching the dog chase the bee
all within this cloudy glee

So I gazed on and on for long
as the wind sang its own sweet song
until the world beneath me vanished
leaving the night sky to call on.

Thats when world came
to a sudden halt; screeching
to a stand still, not a summersault
stilling the time in my memory

The night wore on in eternity,
long after the morning came
and a reckless sense happiness
stayed on within me.

:) sky gazing - I love it endlessly.

Wednesday, May 21

That thing you do...

Have you ever wondered how do some people make 'the right choice at the right time'?

Blessed are those who have the knowledge that each decision taken has some sort of repercussion on everything that happens once the ball is set to roll. As simple as newton's law of motion - to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Its easy to say you want a choice in things, matters concerning you and a step beyond. Like choosing the right career, the ideal 'road map', or even how to not die due to excess Carbon monoxide? But then i think its really
a luxury to make an informed decision. To know what is right and what might not be. To have the foresight of what will take you where you want to be. Or to even have the knowledge of where you want to go, where exactly do you want to 'reach'?

Today, I guess I realize why they say "life is a gamble"

Do the wise know that 'they are wise?' Do they know that this day, when they take a step, make a move, they will be called 'wiser' cause the wisdom of they have received? Is there ever a divine intervention about their 'status up gradation' ?
To have the knowledge where each successive situation will lead to, is not just a gamble of life and actions but a game well played.

I guess its all an equal proportions of faith, fate and familiarity with a situation that makes all the difference. To have in depth knowledge about the characteristics of each player and the best and 'ideal move' to make in one' .

As simple as that castle made of cards, or cycles parked in a stand in one file. One wrong move, or the wrong push and the whole structure crumbles.

I guess the conclusion is - none. If on some day you do know that the thing you are about to do is probably the best decision/choice you can take at that point in time :)

Then, take a minute and say 'Thank Goodness'. Its not everyday that you have the knowledge which tells you that you have the choice and that you have the capability to make the right one - 'An educated guess' is more like it i guess...

Tuesday, May 20

Expect the unexpected.

Sometimes unexpected things do happen. The time when they do, they create small butterfly like tingles go up your spine. I am talking about one of the simple joys of life like; Surprise - unexpected and shocking, exhilarating and unwanted. Complete satisfaction.

This time when I went to Srisailam, I decided that no matter what I would enjoy each moment of it. So when the surprise of funding the whole trip came upon my shoulders, I not only happily agreed to sponsor this trip as was expected from me, but also let things go the way they had to. The drive was as usual, one of the best. The snaking long roads, and the fields on either side. There is something about long drives, and being on the move that rejuvenates me and my mind.

I was a bit surprised to see the extent of expansion happening to Hyderabad due to the new Shamshabad, International airport and the ringroad that connects the airport to the city.

The old city no longer has limited expansion. Thanks to the awesome fore planning, the expansion will slowly spread to places much beyond the overly populated areas like Pathergatti, Charminar, Shalibanda, and Barkas. I remember sometime ago, I had thought that Hyderabad’s answer to expansion was - vertical expansion. A floor on top of the other, rather than horizontal where a house is build beside the other. Suddenly there was no space left for horizontal expansion!

And yet, I am not sure whether to be happy for this change or to be sad. A few minutes ride on the Shamshabad airport’s ring road from Charminar makes you see the awesome landmarks that once made the Deccan Platue ‘a natural rock garden’.

Millions and centuries old rocks and their delicately balanced formations stand silently, reminding you of the amazing grace and imagination of Mother Nature. When I was a child these formations gave my mind enough space to explore my imagination.

Sometimes it was a dog with a bone, or sometimes a man with skewed expressions or even giant tortoise.

Now, I see them as the age old sentries of Hyderabad that now adorn the landscape. The unmistakable land plotting makes them vulnerable and these gentle giants seem to quietly avenge a war themselves.

I know that feigning ignorance is a way. But I hope that each of us remember the time when as child, how these rocks created a real world of Flintstones and fairyland for us. Help conserve these natural inspirations for the expanded imaginations of our children and the generations yet to come.

Coming back to the surprise, on our way there is a pit stop we make at a country dhaba which is singlehandedly owned by a lady. The specialty is the mouth watering country chicken she makes for lunch. Apart from this the highlight of the pit stop was finding my ‘old man’. I am referring to the time I had shot a snap which I fondly call ‘the oldman and the older banyan’

The Old man and the banyan - two years ago.

And the surprise was to have found him right there - Under the banyan. However, this time he comfortably sat on a plastic neelkamal chair unlike the last time when he had taken the support of the huge stump of the tree and smoked a bidi, unmindful of the several fascinating looks that I and my Camera had bestowed upon him.

This time, surely time and tide had made him more alert unlike the aloof and unmindful man he had been then. This time he was walking with support of his stick and asking for alms making the most of the several tourists who happened to stop at the same point.

I remember distinctly how he had left a mark on me when I had seen him two years ago. It was his slow, lazy attitude, his oblivious approach towards us, the speeding cars, and the many others who awaited their platter of food.

This time too he undoubtedly left a mark on me.

Finding his unwavering gaze again and to happen to witness his slow transition as a man was more than what I had expected to see when our car had halted at the lady’s dhaba this time. The recognition was a surprise in itself. A much better surprise was the evolution.

Found the man there, right under the banyan this time.

Everyone needs a change and everyone eventually changes. Some do with time while some do fighting both – change and time. But change does occur. Whether you like it or you don’t. Change is the answer to living. Change is the next thing to life.

Oh! By the way, I shot some pictures again with the banyan in the background, this time it’s of a woman. :)

Wednesday, May 14

In learning :)

The last few months, every day has been fight between me, within me. Suddenly I felt shambled and my world was constricted. No one to be blamed, I think thats how the transition was meant to happen. So, here there are a couple of things not working out well and here I am all gloomy and feeling low. Unlike the other times, nothing warms me or makes me happy.

To put it simply tables turned when finally, I decided that it was all my doing. I had stopped looking around, I had chosen to be morose. What a 'Revelation' issinit?!

So, to come out of the morose feeling, action! action! action! In the last few weeks I have been busy scripting, directing, shooting and editing a short film. Why I choose to divide and write these actions of making a movie into several different parts is cause for lots of people just 'shooting a movie' does not give a clear picture of what goes into making one.

It was good, it was bad :) and I think I am the happiest to declare that. Elated, after the first few conceptualization stages, I thought I had a clear idea of what was required. Slowly, there was a mix of hands and delegation and volunteering. Meanwhile, i had some Good time. Laughed and laughed and laughed so much after a long time. Discovered some most interesting and nice people. Some irritating ones too :)

Danced on teen maar, did the 'bandariya dance along with a bandar' :) Somewhere slowly insensitivity crept in, slowly I realized inflated ego could much harm to some relationships than I had ever imagined. There was another thing I realized, at the end of the day, after all the nerve wracking and nail biting emotional turbulence I went through... The end is all that matters!

Sitting in the classroom the next day with all the children from the school and a few of the parents, watching them watch and then react positively to the movie. It dawned upon me that at the end of the day it was all the part of a whole story. All that mattered was that the message went across. That at least one of the children from the classroom would remember something from this initiative. That the learning was not just limited to the children moreover it hovered around me.

At the end of the day, I am happy that I did something apart from the daily monotonous life that was setting in slowly. Also, keeping in touch with certain aspects of my life which i had started to ignore vis a vis photography, and Rasoolpura worked wonders for my psych :)

Further, the lesson I learnt from this experience was to take the initiative in the right spirit also at the right level. Someone correctly pointed out "if you cant do it right from the directors seat, take the assistant's"

Special thanks to

  • Varun and Moin for doing a wonderful job as Prakash and Shankar
  • Harish for effective narration and all the running around he did!
  • Siva and Aparna for helping through each step of the movie and giving it shape.
  • Phani and Junaid for mentoring, cooking, and adopting us for the weekend.
  • Everyone from Bhumi for their humble and dedicated support at any time of the day
  • and Kadambini, for once again initiating and taking the first step forward

Heres the link of the movie for those who want to watch it


Tuesday, May 6

Lost in transition...

The difference between my parents and the differences they have between themselves is due to speed and the distance. Their being poles apart is an understatement. In their hoard and fight to be themselves, somewhere they seem to have lost the string that bound them together. So this time when I was at the temple keeping pace with appa’s speedy stride and amma’s contemplative stroll. I realized that this was not my fight and somewhere I had to let them fight their own battles.

And so, when finally we were inside the shakti temple with the priest chanting the mantras while both of them offered the deep red sacred kumkum at the goddesses feet. My mother sitting to my dad’s left. Him sitting to her right. I quietly let go. This time, I closed my eyes to dad’s limited span of attention and ma’s undivided. This time I closed my eyes and did something I have discovered to be one of the most gauging experiences I have had.

Transition. Literally!

So the first time it happened I seemed to have lost consciousness of time and place I was at. This was during of the many times I was in what we fondly refer to as a ‘phone booth’ at Google, talking with him. So, when it happened, I remember how I couldn't believe that it really had happened. I was amazed at the power of my mind and imagination. The power of will and want.I like to believe that it was one of ‘the desperate times that call for desperate actions’ like situation.

Wanting to be closer to him I seem to have willed and taken my mind beyond any physical barriers. So while we spoke, my world transformed. From sitting in an air conditioned room well lit by many bulbs inside, as well as, outside the glass walls. Suddenly I found myself ‘transit and travel’ to his room, on his bed.

Everything was as I had imagined. The carpet, the window, the wall, the stack of books, the blank sheets of paper, and the blue blanket. The Moonlight falling softy on the carpet through the window. It was dark yet there was enough light to sketch out his features. The picture so clear!

I love his room and love the serene calm feeling that comes with being around him.

…and that’s how we spoke that night. Sitting miles apart in different time zones, yet I was closer to him than I had ever been. Time seemed to have frozen forever. I realized the strength of my will, the power of wishful thinking, and the influence of my imagination.

It was like being in a trance. A state where you forget ‘where, what, when, why and how’. There are no questions asked, none answered. It’s a state where you loose all sense of time or direction. At the expense of sounding preachy, when a state like this is induced, you are alive and yet have no awareness with regards to the place you are at, and state of your mind. A meditative living.

This trance like state is closest I have come to loosing myself and yet finding something new. In me I found the immense capacity I hold. And I am yet to let it loose.

So, while in the temple the ‘Sindhoor’ was being offered amidst all the chaos. The smell of the sweat, the sound of many waiting in line to get a glimpse of the goddess, and the heat. Unlike the other times, I just closed my eyes and there in that time – I transited.

This time, it was me on the left and him on my right. Repeating the same ritual as my folks in another lifetime.

:) I seem to have been missing on all the finer details of life… now they seem to be flooding in on me, one after the other. :)