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Thursday, August 28

I Am My Own Clown.

Don't go by the way I look
Cause looks almost always deceived.
I have looked inside and looked beyond
Somewhere down it feels like
I am my own clown

Sad and desolete
I am not sure what I see
There is nothing beneath me
there is nothing over me

Cover me over,
cover me with a sheet
There is darkness all so obsolete
groping my way, the pain just seeps.

Tougher it gets to find that feeling
somethings remains inside me
am I the fallen leaf floating in the wind?
or the dying walking with a stick

Sleep comes over me and i fall
deep, delirious, and drunk
darkness calls me
and I know I have to go.

Not sooner not later
may be now
the time; they say is now or never
is it me or just the world

There is happiness even in pain
I see it in sunshine and the rain
I feel it when my heart skips a beat
like a kid sliding down a slope

My heart misses and finds its place
deep inside in me
thats where it sleeps, leaps
hops, skips and jumps.

Things go round, and come back to me
Listen, even if there is no sound
is it my heart or my head
or is it just me thats dying, may be already dead.

The feeling of pain, misery and disdain
what is with every sound
no smile, nothing comes around
my worlds standing still.

Come falling on me my wind
take me with you where ever you go
let me breathe in what you feel
let me take in what you see

jumping on to my pony
I want to reach, laughing,
places; when there is no sound
colors in me, and around

I am happy, I know
I am my own clown

Wednesday, August 20

Flying on the water so wild

"Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink ;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink."

The Rime of the Ancient Mariner

- Samuel Taylor Coleridge

This is how My mind could best describe the river rafting experience.
The water was fresh water, so not exactly undrinkable like the quote. However, I did have my share of it

Long time since I tasted a lil bit of adventure in life, So I signed up for a trip to Kolad, a small hill station near Raigarh, Maharashtra. From the word 'go' the trip seemed to have the right spirit, With all, and within all. The train journey was great. knowing almost no one on the trip has more advantages than disadvantages I say. There were so many times when I have discovered some amazing companions, and this trip was no less. Played Uno until my eyes hurt, and 'bluffed' my way through some fun moments!

On reaching Chembur, Mumbai we got into a bus which took us to Kundalini River, Kolad. The
Camp River Wild, had enough rafts and guides arranged for us. All geared up in our helmets and life jackets and with an oar in hand we walked towards the river.

The water level was rising as it rained.
River Kundalika is fed by waters released from Mulshi Dam and Bhira dam and provides 9 km rafting location with class 3 and class 4 rapids. As the best time to visit here, is the monsoon, when the water levels are good for rafting. However, what is interesting to know is that depending on levels of water, rafting can be done rest of the year as well.

Quickly Dividing ourselves into groups of 8, we stood close to our rafts. The thought of stepping into the water, gushing with all its strength gave me quite a chill in the spine. However, all the time i could not understand how am i going to raft in seconds? Am I tall enough, does my body have enough strength, what about swimming? I cant swim!!, and what about rocks , I could hit one and die forever... etc etc (like some people died for the time being :D)

It was surprising to see that how efficiently we were given a pronto training of how to handle the raft, the oar and all the safety guidelines. Along with that the forward peddle, the back peddle and then the wait and to just rest the oar on your knees and enjoy!

The rafting is done over an 8 kms stretch, a journey filled with high thrills over rapids lasting almost three hours. The thrill of River Rafting can hardly be explained in writing. You have to feel it to believe it.

One moment is all quiet, you are in control. Your breathing is slow, normal. The next you loose all control and the water takes it from there! Heart races, you forget breathing. The thrill of working in a team, keeping in pace with your self and the water. There is just so much that I felt in that raft than what these words allow me to I say. The water sprays, splashing at you as the raft finds its way - tingling you.

In time you are so spent that you are suddenly thirsty for the cold cutting water that you are ready to drown yourself, just so that you get to feel it in return. I realized what an irony it is. This is the same water you were scared to get into a lil while back, and now you want it to completely cover you. 'Drench you, drown you.' :)

The best was after crossing the rapids, the river turned much to quiet. That was the time when all of a sudden like an earthquake we were all thrown into the water. All my fears of what lay beneath came to life with the mangroves on both the river banks. All i could think of was crocodiles. Really? Fresh water crocs samie? :)

Anyways, a swim (more like floating in the water, as the water carries us to the shore) for more than an hour was just the thing that quenched my body's thirst for the water. The adventure had come to an end, just like it had started.

Post this the highlights of the trip included
  • Reaching Doctors Farm
  • The color Green
  • Rain. Wet. cold. Breeze. Quiet.
  • Living in bamboo dorms
  • Meeting some great people
  • Some common interests shared.
  • Lotus in the pond
  • The crows on the roofs
  • The trek in the wilderness
  • The food.
  • The sleep I had
  • Finding myself
  • Realizing myself
  • Silence
  • Loving myself
  • Discovering myself.
  • Living Myself.

Wednesday, August 13

Cloudy Tuesday, Sunshine Wednesday :) Yay Yay!

Monsoons in Hyderabad, Finally!
Heavy rains lashed the city for almost two days and two nights followed by a cloudy Tuesday.
And today it was back to bright and shiny- Sunshine!

Umm.. I love sunshine but I love the rains as well.
Can we please have a lil bit more of dark, cloudy, (for some gloomy) sleepy mornings?

Suddenly the scene has changed from everyone cribbing that there are no rains to Oh! My These Rains!! Hmmpff... I am wondering what exactly is happening to this world? Almost always finding ways to crib about something or the other. I can hear them say "Oh! I cant believe the clouds gave away to the sun so easy!"

Really.. People!!?!!

Moving on, I Saw this movie called 'Into The Wild.' An awesome movie I say!
Quoting a line that repeats in my head from watching it. "Happiness is only real, when shared."

The Singing Butler is a final toast to my mood.
Persistently Optimistic.

I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair.

I keep replaying this song.
And i concur with every word, every emotion and every phrase.

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In seventy-seven and sixty-nine revolution was in the air
I was born too late into a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When the head of state didn't play guitar
Not everybody drove a car
When music really mattered and when radio was king
When accountants didn't have control
And the media couldn't buy your soul
And computers were still scary and we didn't know everything

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In seventy-seven and sixty-nine revolution was in the air
I was born too late into a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When pop stars still remained a myth
And ignorance could still be bliss
And when god saved the queen she turned a whiter shade of pale
My mom and dad were in their teens
And anarchy was still a dream
And the only way to stay in touch was a letter in the mail

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In seventy-seven and sixty-nine revolution was in the air
I was born too late into a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When record shops were still on top
And vinyl was all that they stocked
And the super info highway was still drifting out in space
Kids were wearing hand me downs
And playing games meant kick arounds
And footballers still had long hair and dirt across their face

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In seventy-seven and sixty-nine revolution was in the air
I was born too late into a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
I was born too late into a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

Artist - Sandi Thom
Introduced by Shweata.

Friday, August 8

Question - Why Is Vamsi So Irritating (Period)?

So here is a question that I have asked myself again and again, and again.

The answer he gave me was "cause he is a bad person" very convenient and dealt in a very Vams'ish way. I am still asking.

Well, after a lot of thinking these are the things I have realized that are directly linked to my irritation and his behavior.

  • I am pretty scary.
  • I refuse to give a good reason for being highly unresponsive at times.
  • I suddenly go dark and moody
  • I have a tendency to speak in riddles that he obviously does not understand.
  • I like to play around with my feelings and his, like wise
  • I rarely listen to him
  • I like to talk when he is talking
  • I like to irritate a sane man and lead to "almost retard" mental status.
  • I am very very stubborn (especially with him)
  • I have major mood swings that can shoo away any one, leave alone this one pup.
  • I can get angry and stay like that for a long time
  • I can get angry and keep throwing tantrums assuming that the poor guy would know whats happening.
  • I refuse to budge.
  • I love the time he gives me a lecture
  • I love it when his maturity and sanity over powers me and my mental habits and I shut up and listen.
  • I love the thrill of a fight with him
  • I like to get the answers straight while when its my chance to answer, I like to throw pebbles and bread pieces on the way.
  • I can be highly demanding.
  • I have a great habit - I assume.
  • I hate my work. Period. However, while hating it, I start hating everything around me, and make everyone miserable. Him the most cause he knows, understands, and loves me the most.
  • I like to go the long way, not the highway.
  • I love to see his patient side with me.
  • I love it when he is tender and sweet
  • I love the fact that he can make me feel like a small kid, who tried to steal the cookie from the jar and got caught.
  • I have a problem.
  • I like to be pampered
  • I like it when after the fight I can feel the concern in his voice.
  • I fill in the blanks of the physical void by chasing other things
When I am irritated, and I hurt others in the process. Especially someone who loves me leaps and bounds.

Question - is it true that you hurt those you love the most?


Thursday, August 7

Shades of grey wherever I go,
The more I find out the less that I know.
Black and white is how it should be.
But shades of grey are the colors I see.

Courtsey - Aswathy, and Billy Joel (Shades of grey )