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Tuesday, October 11

Au Hasard Balthazar - A review

Written & Directed by: Robert Bresson
Stars: Anne Wiazemsky, Walter Green and François Lafarge
Language: French

This perhaps is one of those movies that leave you aching in the heart for the parallels that humans are, and the way they treat 'their' humans and animals. The story though simple brings the complexity of 'human to human' vs 'human to animal' relationship and treatment through a donkey named Balthazar and a girl named Marie.

The story weaves you into itself by showing you the start of both the donkey and the girl's life as happy and playful, an ideal. However, the the girls life changes with situation, the donkey as well is passed to another master.

As the Balthazar moves from one master to another and serves him faithfully by being extremely strong and hardworking, so does Marie. Balthazar is shown being treated and often mistreated by several owners with very little or no compassion. Marie as well is humiliated several times by her lover. She however goes back to him as faithful as her animal friend and is always shown her better side to him.

The scenes that retch your heart are several. From the barbarous treatment being to to the donkey, such as the donkeys tail being lit, the often heavy and huge weight he is made to carry, the hunter treatment, to the extreme indifference some humans have towards faithful helper without whom it could be very difficult for them to survive. In the same way, Marie is shown to have suffered brutally by the ego of her suffering farther who turns down the offer of her childhood sweetheart to marry her, to when she tries to fight for herself she slaps her lover only to receive slaps back from him with more vengeance and power than she can withstand. Dejected both the Balthazar and Marie are seemed to confine themselves to a future that is unknown to them.

Another thing that catches your attention is that Balthazar and Marie both share the same masters several times through the movie. The masters are shown to have the same feelings for both a Donkey and  a Woman - ruthless, vicious and brutal. The movie thus takes you through several comparisons and the end shows Marie being humiliated by her lover by being stripped down by his friends and locked in a house and left. And Balthazar is shown being stolen from Marie's house by her lover to smuggle goods. Balthazar is then abandoned at the blink of an eye when the customs almost catch the crook, only to be shot by a bullet that was meant for the criminal and left to die a slow painful death.

The movie makes you realize once again how in several ways man hasnt left his barbarian side to the ancients. However, on the other hands, carried within him. Man is shown to easily disregard the delicate balance he shares as the oppressor towards nature his partner the animal and the woman both the oppressed.

In the end, personally I am happy that there are movies such as this, and there are movies such as Shrek which portray the donkey in a better light. 

The movie is most definitely worthy of being a part of the Criterion Collection. 

Thursday, July 28


Last days rather day as a Googler.

A desk that I have more than lived my life at. A ID that has more than become my Identification. An email address I have flaunted, forwarded, used and felt proud. Googlers, I have known, more than known, and looked up too. The events, the TGIFs, the lunches, the cafeteria, the teams, the offsites, the cab rides, the facilities and the people. Lots will change, lots will continue to stay the same. One thing is for sure, I ll miss these little things dearly.

So Long, Farewell Google. You have been more than good to me. You have been a brilliant dream. I was fortunate to have had lived it.

Thank you for every every thing,



Friday, May 27

Love you 'till the end.

I just want to see you
When you're all alone
I just want to catch you if I can
I just want to be there
When the morning light explodes
On your face it radiates
I can't escape
I love you 'till the end

I just want to tell you nothing
You don't want to hear
All I want is for you to say
Why don't you just take me
Where I've never been before
I know you want to hear me
Catch my breath
I love you 'till the end

I just want to be there
When we're caught in the rain
I just want to see you laugh not cry
I just want to feel you
When the night puts on it's cloak
I'm lost for words don't tell me
All I can say
I love you 'till the end

by pogues

Thursday, May 12

Missing Rover; The Search Is On...

Dearest Darling Rover,

I hope you know how much you are loved and how much you are being missed here. There is not a second that goes by when suk di, mamma and even dadi do something that doesnt involve you. Suk di's the worst but also the most optimistic. You have been gone for more than 36 hours and our hopes havent diminished. Infact we have only become more hopeful that we'll soon find you.

You know, yesterday when you went missing, I really thought you would come back in a bit. That you were somewhere around playing hide and seek, like you do sometimes. I cant tell you how shocking it was for us when it started to dawn on us that you really weren't around to come back, to seek, to play.

Yesterday, thanks to Suk di's awesome friends we were able to look for you. All thanks to the lot (Sunit, Akshaya, Snigdha, Abhishek, Nikki & Even Kaddu) We covered RTC Cross Roads, Narayanguda, Chikkadpally, Indira Park, Gandhinagar, Hyderguda, Domalguda and Liberty areas on bikes. We went to the police stations, the pounds (the place where they go after they pick up stary dogs on the road) It took us the whole day but what kept us going was you.

The thought of you alone in the scorching heat, dehydrated, helpless, with no one to protect you feed you or even hug you was too much to bear. It was also necessary to keep ourselves occupied the whole time because just as soon as there was a minute of quite, within us we would start thinking of you. Sometimes we were filled with your happy thoughts, the way you and suk di had played with pearls necklace the night before. Mumma couldnt stop recalling how I slept on your your tummy using it as a pillow. And how peaceful you were at home.

I can't believe you wandered off too far, yet I can't deny that you are rover. Meant to roam. You know, dad had seen you with the litter and you were the only one rovering and not interested in him. He, curious to see your disinterest picked you up, checked you and looked at you. You looked at him, straight in the eye. You had such honest eyes that sometimes it felt like you could look so deep into our souls without a conversation of words. (Mind you, this is my version of the story, and some parts of it our purely based on my imagination)

You know, when dad had got you home, we were so shocked because it had been only two years since Rufus had passed us. He had been with us for all of 14 years. We for a moment felt that it was betraying him, for we had promised ourselves to never accept any pet after him. But you are such a heart warmer, you know. A few minutes with you and a look at your pudgy gait and happy tail wagging - we melted. You were just 30 days old, and just big enough to fit within our palms. We kept you in a carton that night but you were whining so soo much. So, Sakshi, who is also your best friend and play mate took you out quietly and you slept with her - peacefully in her arms. That night we knew that Rufus would accept cause he too after all loved us just like how you do.

You know, when you had come home the first few months you really showed us what dogs really are - attention seeking-melt-your-heart-people who really can make your life a bag of laughter one moment and a barren land the other. We are on the other side this time, because until yesterday it was all a bag full of happy laughter :) From being a high energy dog who has destroyed all the dolls and soft toys that we were able to save from our childhood playtimes, to some of our favorite pair of shoes, you have taken them all and they are all now nicely settled in your stomach somewhere. But offlate, last few months, you also were becoming more sensitive, more mature. How you would bring your leash to us when you wanted to go home. And how you showed your disapproval when we were angry, or spoke in high tones. How you had started walking with us when we went out on our walks rather than running ahead of us. We could see, how you would communicate. How you would put your hands on our arms to make your point - we heard you every single time.

We miss you darling so so sooo much. I can't tell you how deserted the house looks without you. Every corner looks incomplete, and every smallest space needs your presence. More over, just in the last 12 months you have won us over and your memories are etched in our hearts. You are such a inseparable part of my life that we cannot imagine moving on without you hovering - rovering about us.

When we think of you gone, there are times when it crosses us that you must be lost, dehydrated and waiting for us to come for you. But every time such a thought crosses our minds we think of the other side of the story. We hope you were found by someone who really cares. Who really loves you and is just searching for us the same way we are searching for you.

We love you rover, hope to see you really really soon.

We will never ever ever ever ever give up.



Monday, April 18

Love is

When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away... 

A song for the soul, after a very very long time :)

The Blowers Daughter

And He falls in love

... but I can only stand and stare...

and hope and hope and hope...

Tuesday, March 29

"Even if you fail at your ambitious thing, it’s very hard to fail completely"

Larry Page

Friday, March 25

Stakes are out and put across clearly.
Its I who they choose or I choose em dearly
Uncertainty, Choices, Life.
I will remember this phase where ever I be.


Thursday, March 24

Google, I Love You!!


Wednesday, March 16

Things I Love Love Love About Summer's At Home.

  • The summer's sunshine
  • The yellow blooms that recur year after year every summer and enhance the beauty of Hyderabad.
  • My grand mas voice. 
  • Green unripe mango (अमिया)with salt & pepper 
  • The sound of water coming from the bathroom filling the tub early morning.
  • Rover sitting by the mesh door with the light of the day falling on him - peaceful coexistence.
  • My mum and her smile. The bindi on her forehead. so close.
  • The comfort of pulling rover close and kissing him.
  • Watching sakshi grow every day. 
  • Water Melons.
  • The comfort of a cab; of being driven back home everyday
  • The taste of water from the clay pot.
  • The dying old table fan which lulls my dad to sleep. 
  • Watching my dad sleep and then slowy tip toeing to cover him with a blanket without waking him up.
  • Sukriti.
  • Taking off to Kaddu's place every time I need some heart to heart.
  • My desk. 
  • Mangalas shelter. 
  • cucumber & curd
  • 3 showers every day with soft warm water.
  • Smell of old novels waiting to be read. 
  • Surprise- Summer Showers
  • Munjal (मुन्जल् )
I want to capture so much into memories, pictures, whatever I can to remember and cherish these. 

Thursday, March 10

Nose Piercing: An Ordeal accomplised. Scratched Off The Bucket List.

Always wanted it, since college.

Dint have the guts then.

So, got the ears pierced.

Last year, had decided that on November 26, 2010
I ll pierce them. Well, I argued that as I was turning a year older, I must must scratch it off my bucket list.

So, I went to a parlour.She looked at my nose, closely. And said, the gun wasnt working.
Thinking that okay, that was just the first attempt, I started off in search for an alternate parlour or goldsmith.

That day was my lucky day, or so I thought. A feets distance from the last place lived a goldsmith.
I walked in confidently and spoke to him. He showed me this wire he had made with his own hands.
I coolly asked him what he'd do with it, thinking that definitely he'd have be hygine concious as it involves a lot of bloodshed. He looked me in the eye and said, that he was confident of his experience. And that I should rest assured he'd do a good job. I wanted to believe him. My next question was his fee. He told me 800 INR both for the wire and his service. Looking at the price, I thought, may be its best I leave it to him. Just at that time, a lady walked in covering her mouth. Then I asked him to explain exactly what he'd do.

In less than a minute my whole idea for going through this ordeal was washed. He said, he'd take the wire, hold my nose, and push it in. Aghast, I couldnt belive what I'd just heard. Thinking he had probaly missed the point in his enthusiasm, I pursued. So, I asked, So, you mean first you will clean and sterilize the wire. Next you will then heat it. Next you will check my nose to find a nerve, and last you will gently twitch the wire in.

His expressions told me I had gotten it all wrong. All of it. He explained that he had done it for many women before me and he knew exactly what he was doing. After saying this, he got occupied in sharpening the point of the wire - ready to treat me how it was described.

It took me less than a second to decide this wasnt for me. I rather keep my nose than have a hole as big as the moon for my life. I picked up my nose, and held it close to my heart. It wasnt my lucky day after all.

Many days later, after the initial shock. I entered a beauty parlour, relentless my mind reminded me I had to scratch this off my bucket list. The parlour was in one of the busiest places in hyderabad, chikkadpally. I went to the lady behind the counter and said 'nose piercing.' Sje looked up from whatever she was writing and said to me "follow the steps to the top floor and ask aunty."

Took a deep breath and thought, awesome today is the day. Took the stairs faster than ever to reach aunty; my savior. Time moved slowly then. Its funny how when you want time to move faster, the slower it gets. And when you want the time to standstill... well... we all know how that goes now, dont we?!

So, I finnaly succeded dragging my heavy legs to the top of the stairs and looked around. Theroom was filled with colored cloth all strewen on the floor. I tip toes over them, careful not to spoil them or disturb them. Under the huge pile of clothes I sighted a few sewing machines which explained the colorful blast of the tatters. I went through a door and saw the aunty. Finally, I got mentally prepared. Put my best smile forward and said '' Aunty, nose piercing?" Aunty turned around and looked at me thoroghly from top to bottom.
The time again strtched and passed slower when I wanted it to pass faster.

She never looked up from the haircut she was giving and nodded in my direction asking me to take the other chair. Ready, I took a deep breath. This was it, I could feel it. She then stopped the haircut and hollered in a loud booming voice a name illegible to my trained to hear cooling melodies ear. After many minutes, a small girl came out. She had a gun in her had, which looked like a tiniest version of an AK 47 to me. The girl must be around 8-9 shorter than sakshi. Wearning a half saree, she approached me and stood beside me. She pulled the drawer of the dresser and took a pen. She marked a few dots on my nose. Confident? Yes, Yes, Yes! My mind screeched) But I looked at the girl, so young and I thought; may be. And then, she was only drawing on my face, not really shooting me, I thought. She drew on my nose what I though would be a dot, instead there were 2-3 dots. I looked at them, I looked at her. "I wondered in awe how a young girl could be so sure." I then asked the aunty my savior who was still occupied in cutting someones hair, casually who'd do it. She cooly replied that the girl would be at my service under her supervision. I suddenly wasnt so sure any more. The girl was now loading the bullet-like-nose-stud on to the AK 47. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and the girl and the aunty. I could see it all like I was watching a movie. Something wasnt right. I remembed I had left my bike keys on the bike. I asked her if she could wait while I went and fetched them keeping my voice as still and confident as I had had when I had walked in about 10 mins back.

I took a deep breath and ran, not because I was scared to find my bike wasnt outside, but because I couldnt take the scene on the mirror off my mind. With the keys jingling in my pocket, I ran for my life and never looked back at the parlour again.

After this episode, I decided to not pursue this dream any more. May be it wasnt worth it - I told my self. And anyways, what kind of a conceited person was I to not look at the signs that were in front of me.

Days passed, and my nose was the least of my worry. Then, today, I was heading to meet Kaddu who had returned from Mumbai. I decided to reach her place be taking many detours and lanes instead of the main road as I wanted to avoid being caught by the traafic police for driving without a helmet. And because I wanted to avoid being stuck in a traffic jam. Lastly, I wanted to feel the beautiful sultry summer evening wind pass and gush through my hair.

I was humming one of my favorite songs and loving the weather when I saw "Glamour Beauty Parlour." I suddenly was reminded of my pursuit and decided to try again. I stopped my bike and went in. I asked not very hopeful this time after my previous encounters, "Nose Piercing"?
A lady really busy with cream in a her hands about to smear somone on the chair replied "Yes." I looked around, the parlour was neat and tidy and the girl was chinese. I causally asked what time would the parlour be open until.

She said 830, I walked out. Unsure of my return. I reached kaddus place and asked her if she wanted to come with me half expecting her to turn me down. She to my surprise was ready in less than 2 mins. We reached the place and I sat on the chair.

This time a lady walked in trailing behind was a small chinkii boy. She explained that she will be doing it. She opened a neat and steralised stud and took a gun which was white in color. AK 47s should be manufactured in all colors I think. It ll be a nice change for the user. She closely looked at my nose and searched marked a dot with a pen. She then asked me to check if she had marked it in the right place. I looked at the mirror, almost expecting for something to go wrong. Nothing did. I confirmed to the lady that the place was perfect and gave her a go ahead. I murmured something about having only one nose and that was in her hands. But  time this time moving slower when I wanted it the other way. I braced my self, and closed my eyes. Kaddus soothing voice telling me it would be all right. My jaws closed tight shut, and for a moment all the moment in time stopped - froze. I knew this was it. She told me told still, unknown to her that I had forgetton to breath, in the last few minutes.

Spaccckkk! she pulled the trigger, I jumped in my seat. Nothing. It was a bogie call. We all laughed, the air became instantly lighter within moments. The moment passed quickly, I again, took a deep breath. Had a one long good look at myself again in the mirror. That was the last I had seen myself with my naked-bare nose.
This time, zataackkk came the noise and it shook me from within. The gun had done its job. I knew now that if I opened my eyes, my nose now had a hole which was filled by a glistening shining stone. I opened my eyes and wiped the tears off my face which were blocking view of the mirror. After several futile attempts I could actually see in haze, my nose. When I looked down at it however, all I saw was a stone and rainbow colors shining brightly.

p.s Kaddu later told me that with the zatack noise there had been an ear piercing scream which had shocked everyone there. I definitely deserve this.

Tuesday, March 8

Venue booked

After 2 months of fanatic running from abids to ameerpet to begumpet to trimulgherry to mehdipatnam.

Glad its over :)

And delighted its what it is.

Friday, February 11

Families are scary, especially when you get to know them. It could be anyones', yours, your friends', and yup the scariest of all, your spouse'! All of us love our families irrespective of their quirkiness, their conditional loving, their strong ideals and their fear of the unknown. And fact of the matter is, no matter how much you may hate each other inside, or even have quite a long trail of fueds, when it comes to the outer world, most would give it less than a thought to come and fight against the world.

Its funny, then how we all spend soooo much time loving a person by spending time with them, by explaining them little nuances of how you did one things and how your reaction to this was, and how less time we spend talking of our families. I mean, of course, it'd be a task to do that, considering the gigantic size of emotions each person carries, the problem of making the other person a bit over whelmed by all and the risk of loosing them.... its much easier to elope and get married, really!

I mean everyone wants to keep their world a pretty place by keeping the outside of their homes, the gardens and the varandahs clean and well attended to. However, when you enter and walk deep into the house, you will notice the cob webs and the dust that has been ignored, often. 

And well, as people we like to believe in the prettiest pictures and paintings you see. You want to believe in the happy endings, and you want to believe that all is well. And all this even after knowing that sometimes, what you see is not what you get, unlike the WYSIWYG theory!

Right now, I wish there was an easier way. I wish lovers would start their stories by setting the expectation right and saying "listen, my family's the craziest and scariest families in the world." And more like "okay, you wont believe it, but its true. I was born to a family of monsters" :O


Well its all about setting the expectations right, right?

Then why stop at you, yourselves, your dreams, your lives, your interests, your ambitions, your views, your hobbies? Whats stops us from including one of the most important aspects, our families too!
I mean, lets be fair, again. Say it aloud, I was born to monsters, and so... that makes me a _ _ _ _ _ _ ! And because, I love you, you must be a MON_ _ _ _. But then, I love Monsters, YOOHOO! :)

I mean who wouldnt accept something so nicely sugar coated as that, tell me?

Well, ideal just as all my other posts, such is not life...

Humbug, I gotto get back to my sleep, which is what I promised my darling vamsi, I'd get right after we said Good night. So well, for now, I hope for some nice dreams, of heaven, of love, of lasting bliss, for now.

Tomorrow is another day.

p.s: Vam, I love love both our familes, consider it only a rant after a long and crazy day.

Wednesday, January 19

When inbox says 0

Often in a long distance, seeing that glow with 1 mail highlighted with that persons name can make your day.

And so you wake up, wash up, and rush to work - and before you log in to do anything... you quietly tip toe into your inbox to see if there was anything left for you by your Santa. :) there are ofcourse days you are in for a surprise

And there are times when the number 0 seems to be your only lucky number. And so you walk back holding that Teddy tight, dejected cause santa missed your home.

Ofcourse the days of surprise more than makes up for these times. Like that short email that said 'oh, I so wish you were here to see this' or even a sentence that reads 'I came across something, and it so reminded me of you.' :)

There is a lot that makes this sort of a relationship tough and even highly unsatisfying to a large extent. But if you believe in that itsy bitsy happiness, then there is enough to keep you going and believing that things are great and will only get better from here.

So, what are you waiting for? Go to your inbox and compose it and make their day

Monday, January 10

Love, Nat King Cole

 And on a half mooned marooned evening, such as today.Two friends sat arm in arm, chatting about the biggest mysteries they had ever known. Long after sharing stories, laughter and some serious heart to heart. One said, thinking out aloud with a sigh, "Love will always remain a mystery."

And the two held their breath with the pause that came after the respite they got from that sentence. A long drawn deep breadth and eons of a  pause later they sat looking at the elegant moon far far away. And just then this song started playing somewhere far far away.

Love, by the way, for that day stayed just that.

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very very extra-ordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore can

Love, its all that i could give to you
Love, is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart and please don't break it
Love was made for me and you
L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one i see
V is very very extra-ordinary
E is even more than any anyone that you adore

Love is all that i can give to you 
Love is more than just a game for two 
Two in love can make it 
Take my heart and please don't break it 

Love was made for me and you 
Love was made for me and you 
Love was made for me and you


Thursday, January 6

Don't Leave Until You Leave

Some lessons come to you, when you need them the most. And they become lessons for life.
Today, I happened to learn something I hope never to forget in my life. I've been obsessed about getting married from the day the thought was put in my head. Its in my subconscious and it really has had an effect that has encapsulated and changed my whole life.

I have seen these changes in me and I have ignored them, because it dint make sense. I was doing all that I was supposed to. Yet, somewhere I wasnt doing enough. I dont have enough experience, neither do I have the right sort of people guiding me who can point and tell me what my problem is when they see it. So, I learn the hard way, and the hard way is the way that I am going to speak about today.

I have been a career oriented girl, or so I thought. I started off being completely enthused in college with the subjects that finally fit my ideas and mindset and gave me the sort of satisfaction that one gets from walking on a spring-season evening.  My life in college started with myself, in between I had my most amazing bunch of friends and came back to being myself. This is not a random rant, so please don't go just cause I am talking so much about myself back in college! What I am trying to get at while you may think I am going off in a tangent is that, I had a wild spirit back in college. A zest back there that I feel inside me brimming under a few layers these days. Those days, it used to be bubbling on top and everything else, tightly layered in. I knew that I wanted to do something good, and make something out of me. I worked very hard to achieve that.

So, after college even when I dint know what I'd do, I sort of knew that whatever I did, I'd do a good job of it. So, long after, when I was placed in the coolest companies, I started of with the same spirit. However, soon after, my personal life began to move full throttle. Somewhere in time, Vamsi asked me to marry him and I was in cloud 9. This was quite a while back. Since then, I would often get excited and start thinking and planning about the wedding. So much, that today when I look back,

So, often it would happen that I would be on the right track with work, and things would deteriorate, I would often let go basically because I had a parallel track called wedding.

Anyways, touchwood, things are going well on that end. And hopefully will continue to as well. I just wanted to write something that I remember for a lifetime. These 3 things were shared on TED by Sheryl Sandberg. And I hope to remember them, as they make complete sense to me

1. Sit at the table.

Meaning: give yourself that importance and dont shy away or under estimate your capabilities. You are in the room for a reason, you must make yourself and everyone feel it, and you better make most of it.

2. Make your partner a real partner.

Meaning: give your better half the credit and treat them as equals and with respect- as you wish to be treated. 
Make time for them, appreciate them for their love and support. Be open to sharing responsibilities. Home is not easy to handle for anyone, be it a man or a woman. Dont take your better half for granted.

3. Don't leave before you leave

Meaning: Do not stop working on opportunities and plans just because there is something "happening" in your personal life. Yes, agreed you have made some decisions too far in advance but this shouldn't stop you from doing your job halfheartedly or not doing the best of your capability.  Keep working actively until the very end!

The last point is the most important one that was ever shared with me, and also the most relevant. Yes, I have probably lost 2 years of my career here. However, learning something this important is never too late. Because when I look back its 2 long years of my 4 years of career, but I look forward - these are just 2 years of my loong loong life and career ahead.

I really hope to value not just professionally but personally too. Certain things become your nature only when you apply them to your personal as well as proffessional life. And me this has been the biggest learning.