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Monday, May 10

My world, Their Worlds...

Today for the first time, the thought and talk of wedding and tying a knot brought tears to my eyes. I cried. Everythings okay, and yes although I am looking forward to a companion in my best friend. It suddenly dawned on me that I'd have to leave behind all this, and My Parents.

My Dad started his journey young. A fighter, right where he belong, with Fighter Planes. My mum was drawn towards art. She fell in love with oil and colors. They met, and my dad loved her since then. She still doesn't know, neither does he.  But I do. Cause I came along, soon. Much too soon. But you ll get to know that later in this post. They have been together for 25 years. This June they ll complete 25. Yet sometimes to me they sound and look like newly weds. 

My parents, each have had a life. Before they were a couple. Before they were married. A life that was full of love, laughter, family and friends. The both had their share of Good Times. And even after they were together  pre and post wedding they had enough on their plates to keep them occupied for a lifetime. But some where, we happened. I being their first born, I should say, I happened. They dint travel with each other anymore. There was always me alongside. My dad when he took off dint just think of my mum he left behind at home, he though of me too. My mum when she said her good bye to him every morning, dint just think of herself, she though of me.

Lucky for them, I thoroughly enjoyed traveling. So, they never had a baby sitter, never left me with neighbors. I always tagged along. Be it farewell parties, or places where only ppl taller than 4' go. :P I tagged along. Some times on foot, sometimes in the cars back seat. Some times hanging for my life on the bike. Or sometimes, tugged snugly in a basket, or a helmet.

I have never been left back in a road trip, they always wanted the whole bunch of us to travel with them. They never felt the urge to be with each other, since the last 23 years, they accepted me. As their own. In there 25 years of being together, I was there for around 24 years (9 months cooking :P). They ve loved me, laughed with me. They just took me in like I was always there. They fought with me, they fought for me. They completely gave themselves to bringing me up. Their conversations moved from each other to "Shubhi" and then the kids, smoothly transitioning. Even after so many years, with oh my daughters' still a baby updates being a part of the past, my dad when meeting old time buddies first brings them upto date about "Shubhi" and then follow other stories.

Somewhere I always knew at the back of my mind that they had done all these things. That they had let a third person enter their lives and live with them. Instead of questioning my presence they took me in, loved me bits and nurtured me whole heartily. Its only today I am hit by all of this, at such an intense level. I suddenly am aware that someday very soon, I'd be expected to do things as selflessly as they did. Someday soon, the conversations will have to shift to someone else, and be about someone else.  It really hit me that soon it may not be about me, or him. Could be about us, or could very well be about someone new.

Only when the seriousness of a marriage dawned on me, did I completely realize the things both of them had together, and individually, and may have had lost when they had found me. By the looks of it, it does really look like they discovered each other again. May be they never even missed themselves much.

But they lived such simple lives. So simply.

And I, I am soo complicated. I am sure they never questioned what was happening. Like I am today. They never questioned when the lives they lived were altered due to us. I am so thankful to both of them, as I know that both have tried in the best ways they knew to give me the best of the world.

I also realized that I dont, and may never know the complete story of my parents life. The world, their world. It remains in the past. The decisions they take, and why they do certain things will always be a mystery as they have lived it. Already. And I may never be ready to hear their stories, or understand them. Ever.

I cannot stop here, and not move forward. I must as this seems to be the direction where my life wants to go.
I am not sure if I will be as giving and unconditionally unconditional as they have been. I am not sure if I ll even be as receptive to new people as they have been. But they have taught me some things, certain things, these I ll take along for the rest of my life.

And although, soon I may not be in the same drawing room as them, watching my dad act crazy, while my mum laughs along. Or see my dad come and hug Rover in the night lovingly, and sleep beside him on the floor. Or watch my mum complain about the maid servant to my sister. Or sit and make fun of dad's new recipe. Or even laugh until my stomach hurt after dancing like mad with Ma and them. I know I ll be missed. I know that once I am out, there may never be looking back. There may never be a time like this. :(  But they are so strong. So grounded, I hope I draw strength from this and I am able to pass the current.

P.s while I am feeling all these emotions, how much of a coincidence it is that this will be my 100th Post. So, here is to my Mum & Dad. Both of whom, I love unconditionally.

My 100th and more,


Harini said...

You WILL be missed Sam. :) I wonder it true. How can we be as unconditional they have been Sam? I mean, it's so much like a parent-only thing. And, maybe it would naturally come when we become one! A lot to lose... :( A lot go gain too... :)

apuna_s said...

Wow, what an emotional post!! It definitely reminds everyone of their parents and what they lovingly did for them, as it did for me. Having a sister who is going to be married, I never understood/liked the funda of girl leaving parents house completely after marriage, she will be missed so much, there wont be any more jokes and fights in the home:(, I guess its their time to make their own home, build their own family, have kids and look after them.
All the best for you and your fiancee. Parents will always be around and you can come back to them whenever you get all caught up with your own life and need a break from it. Now Cheer up and all the best for the life ahead.

apuna_s said...

Congrats on your 100th post Shubhi :)