Search This Blog

Monday, December 15

Its Not Love If Its Too Civilised

No, I am not a crazy person who is talking about wild wild wild things in the bedroom. No, what I am talking about is the notion of how two people have to be in love and be civil with each other.  When it comes to love, we see red, we see hot, we see passion, we see long and happy living. But then, truth is - no relationship is perfect. No relationship is 'happily yada yada'! Everything from friendship, parenting, dating and marriage requires continuous involvement. Because, after every step whether its giving birth to a baby, or tying the knot - that is just the beginning of a long very long continuous and constant exchange of emotions, experiences, memories and more over individuals.  One often finds burrowed deep too deep - the honest and the real. Often too hard to reach out to and too messy to let it out.

I say, that its not real if its too civil and I don't mean that I would poke someones eyes out. But I mean one needs their space to talk raw honest truth. Its okay to be irrational and do things that would be frowned upon rather even be improper. If being able to be free and being able to laugh out aloud - if these are signs of freedom, love, and happiness, then to be able to shout, crying wildly, laughing hysterically, screaming loudly should be too. They are just emotions, if positive emotions need to be let out, then, so do negative (although, i don't think anger/frustration are negative if they are allowed to be shared openly.) And its important to see that these are just someones way of trying really hard to reach out to, to connect. And this should be given a thought. Yes, there is a a big difference between monster/dangerous and just healthy - that I cannot define here. But I am sure you get the gist.

Relationships often are not honest. Don't get me wrong, I said they aren't honest. I did not say they aren't earnest. I feel that often in our desire to belong, love, and be loved - we often find ourselves too quick to promise things that we feel are very much within our grasp (blame the adrenaline) However, from personal experiences, I know that the promises made were in earnestness. But when I look back, I do know that even though there was awareness of not divulging in pure honesty - I overlooked.

Infact, that brings me to the next part - how do you know if what you are feeling and saying are not the most honest/truthful words you have spoken? Well, I don't think that at that time we realise the impact of it all. Honestly, the signs are everywhere - in our parents, in other marriages yet even if the wisest sage comes and tells you this - I believe, we'd overlook. Its only later, years later do we realise what we did and how it worked out. Often, I find myself in places where I hold back this instinct to please, to say the right thing. Its just a big trap. Instant gratification. You give in to it to get it in return. Most times, its easier said than done.

Because, its only in these deep and honest times does one find 'the real conversations.' The essence of togetherness comes out when the height of individuality speaks in a voice that holds honesty, assumptions and your own truth; your side of the story, your story. And when you look back, its these moments that stand out and make you understand yourself, and your partner more. So, feel free to let go of the 'ideal.' To break away from the 'should be' and the 'right thing to do' and be open - to freedom.

No comments: