The difference between my parents and the differences they have between themselves is due to speed and the distance. Their being poles apart is an understatement. In their hoard and fight to be themselves, somewhere they seem to have lost the string that bound them together. So this time when I was at the temple keeping pace with appa’s speedy stride and amma’s contemplative stroll. I realized that this was not my fight and somewhere I had to let them fight their own battles.
And so, when finally we were inside the shakti temple with the priest chanting the mantras while both of them offered the deep red sacred kumkum at the goddesses feet. My mother sitting to my dad’s left. Him sitting to her right. I quietly let go. This time, I closed my eyes to dad’s limited span of attention and ma’s undivided. This time I closed my eyes and did something I have discovered to be one of the most gauging experiences I have had.
So the first time it happened I seemed to have lost consciousness of time and place I was at. This was during of the many times I was in what we fondly refer to as a ‘phone booth’ at Google, talking with him. So, when it happened, I remember how I couldn't believe that it really had happened. I was amazed at the power of my mind and imagination. The power of will and want.I like to believe that it was one of ‘the desperate times that call for desperate actions’ like situation.
Wanting to be closer to him I seem to have willed and taken my mind beyond any physical barriers. So while we spoke, my world transformed. From sitting in an air conditioned room well lit by many bulbs inside, as well as, outside the glass walls. Suddenly I found myself ‘transit and travel’ to his room, on his bed.
Everything was as I had imagined. The carpet, the window, the wall, the stack of books, the blank sheets of paper, and the blue blanket. The Moonlight falling softy on the carpet through the window. It was dark yet there was enough light to sketch out his features. The picture so clear!
I love his room and love the serene calm feeling that comes with being around him.
…and that’s how we spoke that night. Sitting miles apart in different time zones, yet I was closer to him than I had ever been. Time seemed to have frozen forever. I realized the strength of my will, the power of wishful thinking, and the influence of my imagination.
It was like being in a trance. A state where you forget ‘where, what, when, why and how’. There are no questions asked, none answered. It’s a state where you loose all sense of time or direction. At the expense of sounding preachy, when a state like this is induced, you are alive and yet have no awareness with regards to the place you are at, and state of your mind. A meditative living.
This trance like state is closest I have come to loosing myself and yet finding something new. In me I found the immense capacity I hold. And I am yet to let it loose.
So, while in the temple the ‘Sindhoor’ was being offered amidst all the chaos. The smell of the sweat, the sound of many waiting in line to get a glimpse of the goddess, and the heat. Unlike the other times, I just closed my eyes and there in that time – I transited.
This time, it was me on the left and him on my right. Repeating the same ritual as my folks in another lifetime.
:) I seem to have been missing on all the finer details of life… now they seem to be flooding in on me, one after the other. :)